We've all felt it. Though it may take some prying out of sticky sheets and a cool, dark bedroom, the monster that terrorizes you until you replenish your salt levels will only go away with the promise of good food and a damn strong coffee. The relentless need to gather the weary troops to take part in some noshing is something every hungover soul must participate in. The only thing that will fix this is, in my opinion, scrambled eggs.
Those luscious, golden folds of creamy, gooey goodness are a godsend when the Panadol hasn't kicked in yet. Served steaming hot out of the pan and on a thick slab of sourdough, they're the only way I can eat eggs without the assistance of fellow comrades avocado, spinach or perhaps even bacon, as they're perfect on their own.
Don't get me wrong, scrambled eggs are not restricted to those who emerge from the rave cave – scrambles are for anytime. Maybe your Dad cooked them on the weekend in his undies. Or maybe it's your Monday morning treat to ensure a good week. Whatever your reason for eating the yellow rolls of yum, we've found the best places in Melbourne to ensure a good scramble session.
TWO BY TWO
Northcote's local scramble stop is Two by Two, dishing out plates of the stuff like it's going out of fashion. With a sleek interior, this is the place you take your parents if they're massive scrambled advocates, or if you want to impress a new flame with your taste in eggs. They don't do a specialty scramble here, but ask for the whipped feta and beetroot relish when you order your eggs, not only will you feel fancy, you'll taste it too.
Two by Two | 235 High Street in Northcote
Liar Liar is the ultimate place for a hungover scrambled feed. With epic portions and St. Ali coffee to wash it down with, they've really hit the nail on the head for Glenferrie Road trawlers. To show that hangover who its Daddy really is, get one of their Purple Sunrises – a juice made of purple carrots, beets, celery, ginger and apple, and then prepare to tackle the creamiest, most luscious folds of happiness you'll ever have in your life.
Liar Liar | 90 Kinkora Road in Hawthorn
Green eggs & ham at Three Bags Full. Image Credit: Facebook.
THE MESS HALL
Hanging out on Bourke Street amongst all of Melbourne's theatre, wine and fancy food is The Mess Hall. Though they specialise in bringing to you some of the best Italian food you'll find in the city, they also represent a mean breakfast menu, including, well, you know where this is going. Their scrambled eggs come on thick slabs of rye and are tossed with smoked salmon and fragrant herbs, as well as being perfectly proportioned. Great if you're in the area.
The Mess Hall | 51 Bourke Street in Melbourne
THREE BAGS FULL
We do jabber on about Three Bags Full quite a bit at The Urban List, but who on Earth is going to tell us that they don't deserve it? The kings of Abbotsford's brunch scene have been rocking this scrambled staple for a while, teaming it with fresh herbs, crushed peas, grilled leg ham and, wait for it, salted ricotta. If that wasn't enough, their bread is from Woodfrog Bakery – the bakers who infuse rainbows and angel dust into their dough. Are you drooling? I'm drooling.
Three Bags Full | Corner of Nicholson & Mollison Street in Abbotsford
If you're of the vegan persuasion, then your solution to scrambled eggs happens to be its hippy cousin, scrambled tofu. If you find yourself needing some wholesome satisfaction, look no further than St Kilda's answer, Galleon. With a chilled out vibe and outdoor seating that prompts sunshine and pleasure, munch away on their scrambled tofu, teamed with sauteed mushies and wilted spinach. Namaste.
Galleon Cafe | 9 Carlisle Street in St Kilda
Sunny Boy in the CBD is a little ray of sunshine, with super scrambled eggs! Image Credit: Facebook.
SUNNY BOY CAFE
How do you improve something that was already perfect? You put it in between two brioche buns. The geniuses behind CBD café, Sunny Boy, are rocking their scrambled eggs for $6, teamed with bacon and rocket, and of course, the foolproof brioche bandit. If you've come with friends who want something different, there's not much of a breakfast menu, but their freshly baked muffins are literally something I would kill a person for.
Sunny Boy Cafe | Gurners Lane in Melbourne
TYRANNY OF DISTANCE
Some people like their eggs like they like their women, big and spicy. If you are one of those people, then I suggest you cart yourself and your friends to Tyranny of Distance, where the scrambles are big and pumped full of fresh chilli, ensuring clear sinuses and maximum satisfaction. Tyranny is also the sort of place you find yourself sitting for hours, what with cheap alcohol served all day (including $4 everything from 4pm 'til 7pm), a seriously hipster interior, and great staff. Bad news for those of you who hate smoking – you can do it inside here.
Tyranny of Distance | 147 Union Street in Windsor
Their name totally represents their vibe, with the friendliest staff, the happiest space, and a great breakfast menu. You'll be surrounded by fresh flowers and exposed brick walls, so make sure your company will appreciate the busy nook. Here they get a little fresh and foreign with their scrambled eggs, the 'Well Travelled' features baby spinach, onion pakora, fried chorizo, spicy avo, and mango, topped with dukkah. You'll be feeling nice and Mediterranean throughout the whole experience.
Mornin' Gorgeous | 376 Bridge Road in Richmond
Simple & delicious scrambles at St. Edmonds. Image Credit: Facebook.
Eddys is the place to go for simple scrambled eggs before work. Nestled in a nook just off Greville Street, their light filled, cobblestoned courtyard is the place to have your breaky courtesy of friendly staff and cute baristas. Their scrambled eggs come with the perfect amount of egg to toast ratio, so you'll find you'll have rationed perfectly, down to the last bite.
St. Edmonds | 164 St Edmonds Road in Prahran
Okay, whoever thought it was a good idea to team a croissant with scrambled eggs is a freaking GENIUS! Breakfast Thieves is hidden in the backstreets of Fitzroy, worth seeking out to get a load of that scrambled egg-filled croissant. It's buttery, it's crumbly, it's so beyond textural I can't even bring myself to describe it, other than to say 'out of this world'.
Breakfast Thieves | 420 Gore Street in Fitzroy
Hardware Societe are the creators of scrambled eggs so delicious, they are now considered folklore amongst CBD regulars. It is as though the chefs spend three weeks conditioning the eggs by rocking them to sleep, singing them lullabies and caressing their shells, they are just THAT soft and melt-in-your-mouth. Mixed up with prawns and trout and delivered on a hunk of chewy sourdough, seafood may not be on your agenda if you've had a big night, but my God if you're hungry for a scrambled egg, this is your one-stop.
EDITOR'S NOTE: We just heard that Hardware Societe has been badly damaged by fire and will be closed for the next three months. Please follow Hardware Society on Twitter for updates and in the meantime, head to their sister cafe Bowery to Williamsburg to show your support!
Hardware Societe | 120 Hardware Lane in Melbourne
PORGIE + MR JONES
To round it all up, I thought I'd make the last on the list the most iconic for their scrambled eggs – Porgie + Mr Jones. On the menu it's described as Mr Jones golden 'folded' scrambles with fresh herbs and holy goats cheese served on wholegrain toast, but in your mouth it will be though you are high fiving a million otters or other creatures of pure delight. Porgie gets super busy on the weekend though, so make sure you get into that massive umbrella-filled courtyard for some eggs in the sunlight.
Porgie + Mr Jones | 291 Auburn Road in Hawthorn
Main Image Credit: Pinterest.