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Horoscopes: Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead 

By James Shackell - 12 Sep 2017


No doubt about it, spring is in the air. That Antarctic wind blasting down Bourke St. Melbourne’s habit of channel-flicking between crisp sunshine and torrential rain whenever it gets bored. More snow on Hotham than the Himalayas. If the seasons can’t make up their mind, what hope do you have?=

Hold on to your horoscopes, Melbourne. This is what you’re *really* in for this week.

Taurus

Holy crap, Taurus, did you paint that? Creativity is running hot for you this week, and it’s showing in your work. Better find something to help channel your new artistic genius.

You’ve got an eye for style this week. Put it to good use and pimp out your lounge room.

Aries

This week’s gonna throw you a few curve balls. But try not to dig in and lock horns (as hard as that is for you Ariens). Less is more when it comes to conflict. Pick your battles and watch your back.

Need a place to Zen-out and chill? We found Melbourne’s healthiest cafe and yoga studio.

Gemini

This week, Gems, when someone asks you ‘How’s it going?’ don’t just shrug and say ‘Meh. It’s all good.’ You may look deep and mysterious, but the universe is telling you to SHARE. Shells are for giant clams.

Nothing says bestie catch-up like rac n’ mac night at Collingwood’s coziest wine bar. Bring on all the feels.

Cancer

You’ve done it again, Cancer. Double booked yourself with two separate events. Curse your irresistible sexual magnetism! Better play this one carefully – someone’s gonna get their feelings hurt.

You can make it up to your mates with this one: a Sofia Coppola double feature at The Astor...with Supernormal bringing the choc tops.

Leo

Venus is going deeper into your sign, which either means you’ll be abducted by aliens OR you’re in for a serious crush at work (we’re double checking out charts – hang tight on that one). Either way, should be an interesting week...

If that crush pans out, we’ve got the ultimate date venue: Prahran’s new Japanese cocktail bar.

Virgo

Your stars are synching up nicely, Virgo. This is the week where you kick ass at work AND get your relationship back on track. You’ve been swimming upstream for a while now, but the universe is about to lend you a jet-ski.

Celebrate your new awesomeness with a monogrammed clutch from TDE. You heard they have a cafe now, right?

Libra

Librans, you read body language so well you could teach classes. And this week, that superpower is gonna come in real handy. Watch out for subtle signs of attraction at work. There’s someone crushing on you...

Balance is your mantra, but do you REALLY have your sh*t together? Take our test and find out.   

Scorpio

You’ve been browsing those job posts for weeks, Scorpio. When are you gonna take the plunge and just DO it? That career isn’t gonna un-stick itself. Watch for new opportunities, and don’t be shy to click ‘Apply’.

Need a little inspo? There’s a female leadership conference coming to town.

Sagittarius

Venus is glowing like a lava lamp right now, and that means one thing Sagittarians: lurv is in the air. You’re gonna be getting it daily, nightly and ever so rightly this week. Try not to gloat. People hate that.

If you’re looking for mood lighting, Melbourne’s new underground wine bar has your name all over it.

Capricorn

You’ve been fumbling around in the dark recently, but a truth-seeking moon is slowly coming into orbit. That means better decisions and more certainty. If you’ve been holding off a big life change, this is the week to jump.

Big life decisions taste better with burgers. Lucky we know where to get the good stuff.

Aquarius

Feel that, Aquarius? That’s inner harmony. You’ve got Mr Miyagi-level focus this week, and it’s up to you how to use it. Start a side hustle or kick goals at work – anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

But first things first, a new direction needs a new tan.

Pisces

Just keep swimming, Pisces. It was good advice in Finding Nemo, and it’s good advice now. Perseverance is the key word for you this week. The universe is gonna chuck the kitchen sink at you, it’s up to you whether you catch it.

Just to be on the safe side, avoid passive aggressive emails. You know the ones we mean

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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