Bars & Pubs

8 Melbourne Nightclubs That Probably Won’t Give You Deep Regret

By Sophie Hodges - 28 Aug 2018


We’re heading into the warmer months, guys. And that means it’s time to come out of hibernation and hit up some of Melbourne’s best clubs. Leave your dignity at home and get on the D-Floor. We're about to drop some bangers.

Here's our quick guide to the best nightclubs in Melbourne. 

Bond 

If you…aren’t against lining up in the cold.

This place is pretty swanky. Like guys, if you’re not wearing a shirt, I wish you the best of luck making it through the front door. Chill out and have a few drinks in a booth and then make your way to the central dance floor for a good time. 

Hugs and Kisses 

If you…are a member. *smirk*

This members-only club parties hard, with some of Melbourne’s best underground DJs. How do you get in? Sign up to become a member, or sign-in at the door with a member. Exclusive much?

CQ

If you…enjoy a Smirnoff double black.

We had to, guys! C'mon. If you’re under 25, living in Melbourne and haven’t been to CQ, I’ll be very surprised. This place will remix any Top 100 song. Also, 210m away is the Maccas on Bourke Street, if you really want to finish your night off strong. 

The Albion 

If you…want to booze from lunch till dawn.

Summer's 'round the corner, people and that means Rooftop Bars. The Albion boasts a pretty impressive one, with some sweet CBD views. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays there's a DJ and live music to make the most of your weekend. Solid choice. 

Brown Alley 

If you…need to get your dance on. 

If you’re looking for an extensive range of dance tracks, Brown Alley has you covered. This club is a regular venue for gigs and after parties—we’re talking techno, R’n’B and some seriously deep house. Don’t go if you’re not keen to party. 

The Toff in Town

If you…want to impress interstate friends. 

Curtain House really has it all, amazing food and booze, a sweet rooftop, and a cosy little red-curtained room that hosts some rad musical talent. The Toff is not hardcore (but that's a good thing after 25), but it's a great place to get dancey. 

The Sub Club

If you…want something you haven't heard on radio.

A seriously boutique experience, The Sub Club aims to "blur the lines between art-project and nightclub". Fair enough. These guys curate some pretty progressive events. The aim is to create a hub for un-commercialised music culture. 

The Precinct 

If you…are a little ashamed of your Spotify playlists. 

Friday nights at The Precinct is where it’s at. Sam Sam But Different are a seriously good cover band, who belt out every classic you forgot you loved. Bit of Oasis, Matchbox Twenty, Sneaky Sound System—you know you love it guys, don’t deny it. 

Image credit: Superpig

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