29 Reasons Melbourne Is Infinitely Better Than Sydney

For the majority of the modern era, a fierce battle has been raging between Australia’s two greatest cities as to which is ‘the best’ - Hobart or Canberra? Ahahaha, just kidding, although both provide ‘a nice break from the rat race/hustle and bustle/big city life’, neither quite cut the mustard when it comes to anything other than putting philandering politicians on a soapbox and providing fresh Atlantic salmon to the rest of the country. Instead, for decades Melbourne has waged a war against Sydney (and vice versa) to prove that ours is the greatest soil to sleep, eat, breathe and spend money on.

Here’s why.

1. Firstly, our skinny lattés don’t taste like bitumen.
2. You can vandalise inner-city alleyways and call it ‘art’.
3. You can buy a UDL at a speakeasy after 1:30am.
4. The street layout makes bloody sense.
5. Our trams are free (for a hot second in the CBD).
6. Vegans can actually lead a sustainable life.
7. We have Natalie Bassingthwaighte.
8. They have Tony Abbott.
9. Our alleyways aren’t dangerous, instead, they’re packed with alfresco dining and Aperol Spritz stands.
10. Our lord and saviour Roger Federer walks on Melbourne soil every January.
11. We get $35 flights to Tasmania (quiet and affordable weekend away, here we come).
12. We only have to sell half our soul to buy a house.
13. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child will exclusively be playing here in 2019.
14. We have the Hemsworths.
15. They have the Packers.
16. Our theatre, music and sports scene means there’s more to do than just stalk former Bachelor contestants at Bondi.
17. Our boiling pot of multicultural residents means there’s more to eat than just food fads that were popular in Melbourne a month ago.
18. And not only do we have more infinitely more culture as a result, but it’s allowed to exist after 1:30am.
19. We are home to Australia’s first cat cafe.
20. We have the Mornington Peninsula AND the Great Ocean Road.
21. We have Portia de Rossi.
22. They have David Koch.
23. We have a mini Eiffel Tower.
24. And SEVERAL very good bridges.
25. We have both the Prahran AND Victoria markets, which means hot jam doughnuts and cheese toasties for daaaaaays.
26. You’ll probably survive a bike ride through Melbourne.
27. We have Kath & Kim, Neighbours, The Wrong Girl and Sea Change.
28. They have 60 Minutes, ABC News At Noon, Studio 10 and the X Factor.
29. Have we mentioned that it all exists after 1:30am?

Image credit: Annie Spratt