For the majority of the modern era, a fierce battle has been raging between Australia’s two greatest cities as to which is ‘the best’ - Hobart or Canberra? Ahahaha, just kidding, although both provide ‘a nice break from the rat race/hustle and bustle/big city life’, neither quite cut the mustard when it comes to anything other than putting philandering politicians on a soapbox and providing fresh Atlantic salmon to the rest of the country. Instead, for decades Melbourne has waged a war against Sydney (and vice versa) to prove that ours is the greatest soil to sleep, eat, breathe and spend money on.
Here’s why.
- Firstly, our skinny lattés don’t taste like bitumen.
- You can vandalise inner-city alleyways and call it ‘art’.
- You can buy a UDL at a speakeasy after 1:30am.
- The street layout makes bloody sense.
- Our trams are free (for a hot second in the CBD).
- Vegans can actually lead a sustainable life.
- We have Natalie Bassingthwaighte.
- They have Tony Abbott.
- Our alleyways aren’t dangerous, instead, they’re packed with alfresco dining and Aperol Spritz stands.
- Our lord and saviour Roger Federer walks on Melbourne soil every January.
- We get $35 flights to Tasmania (quiet and affordable weekend away, here we come).
- We only have to sell half our soul to buy a house.
- Harry Potter and the Cursed Child will exclusively be playing here in 2019.
- We have the Hemsworths.
- They have the Packers.
- Our theatre, music and sports scene means there’s more to do than just stalk former Bachelor contestants at Bondi.
- Our boiling pot of multicultural residents means there’s more to eat than just food fads that were popular in Melbourne a month ago.
- And not only do we have more infinitely more culture as a result, but it’s allowed to exist after 1:30am.
- We are home to Australia’s first cat cafe.
- We have the Mornington Peninsula AND the Great Ocean Road.
- We have Portia de Rossi.
- They have David Koch.
- We have a mini Eiffel Tower.
- And SEVERAL very good bridges.
- We have both the Prahran AND Victoria markets, which means hot jam doughnuts and cheese toasties for daaaaaays.
- You’ll probably survive a bike ride through Melbourne.
- We have Kath & Kim, Neighbours, The Wrong Girl and Sea Change.
- They have 60 Minutes, ABC News At Noon, Studio 10 and the X Factor.
- Have we mentioned that it all exists after 1:30am?
Image credit: Annie Spratt