Ah Melbourne: We love your crappy weather, your penchant for shitty filter coffee whilst also complaining about terrible lattes, and your loud declarations on the tram that allow us to create this magnificent article every week.
It's time once again for our new overheard column - bringing you all the ridiculous conversations we've sneakily jotted down whilst you were talking unawares. That makes us a gossip columnist perhaps? Excellent.
New years resolutions:
Girl 1: Deeply confused as to why my flawless workout plan of listening to Britney on repeat and half assing it on the treadmill hasn't made me a Victorias Secret Angel yet...
Girl 2: This morning I had some water with lemon in it. Am I skinny yet?
Girl 1: My new years resolution this year is to ignore anything Mark Latham says. It's going to be hard - perhaps even harder than giving up alcohol. Which I'm not going to do.
Girl 1: YOU GUYZ. SOMEONE MADE A SUSHIRRITO.
Guy: I’m still (for some reason) in love with the phorrito.
Girl 2: It's 2016 guys, why can't we have both???
Girl 1: You guys, tomorrow we have an article going up about a high end dog fragrance launching at fashion week.
Girl 2: You mean 'fashun' week.
Girl 1: I really do.
Girl 1: Dude, didn't you know I was a twin? JUST KIDDING
Girl 2: No, I believe you. No one person could possibly take that many selfies.
Girl 1: Today's outfit is sequin pants, a Fila bumbag, Adidas raincoat and a Kevin07 shirt. The right mix between political and glam chic, Also, I just got checked out by a bunch of junkies, so I know I'm glowing.
Some other random shit:
Girl 1: I've spent the majority of today photoshopping parachutes onto rotisserie chickens for a laneway event.
Girl 2: I think that's the most Melbourne thing I've ever heard you say.
Girl: Most original jizz joke of 2016 goes to Kristen Wiig.
Guy: I'm going to try and thread the word spoyiyange into my conversations more.
Girl: I've realized something important tonight: I am only interested in politics if it's delivered via witty commentary by comedians.
Want more Melbourne LOLs? Here are 30 things that are so Southside.
Photo credit: IMDB