As an honourary Melburnian who emigrated here from a fairer (read: colder) isle, I’ve been doing everything I can to earn my rite to the title. My research has led me to do some strange things in some even stranger places. Soy flat whites? Kale juice? Yah-Yah’s?! Here are 47 things to do in Melbourne that you should have to tick off before you can call yourself a Melburnian.
#1: Fallen down the stairs in Curtin House after a night at Cookie.
#2: Had summer festival #fomo when you’ve been too broke/disorganised to get tickets.
#3: Ordered a soy flat white, even though you hate soy milk and aren’t dairy intolerant.
#4: Played a late-night game of pool, which ended in a fight at The Tote.
#5: Run up an accidentally massive bill in Eau De Vie.
#6: Eaten a suspicious meat pie at the footy.
#7: Woken up one morning with a blue tongue after one too many Marky Marks at Revellers.
#8: Had a nap on the Frankston line and ended up in, um, Frankston. (Double points if you’ve woken up at the end of the Frankston line with a blue tongue.)
#9: Gotten really, really into kale.
#10: Moaned about waiting in the queue for Mamasita.
#11: Eaten the best breakfast of your life at one of Melbourne’s best cafes.
#12: Had an epic new year in Edinburgh Gardens.
#13: Crashed a fixie (yours or a mate’s).
#14: Eaten a late night souva from CBD Greek food mecca, Stalactites.
#15: Regretted eating a late night souva from CBD Greek food mecca, Stalactites.
#16: Gotten lost in the underpass at Flinders Street station.
#17: Had an accidentally massive Sunday session at Section 8.
#18: Bought an outrageously expensive cake in Bibelot and declared that it was worth every bite.
#19: Taken a selfie with an epic street art backdrop at Hosier Lane.
#20: Gotten really, really into Bikram for exactly 30 days thanks to Bikram Yoga Fitzroy’s $30 for 30 days offer.
#21: Checked out some incredible art at the NGV.
#22: Gone on an impromptu roadtrip along the Great Ocean Road.
#23: Discovered Christine’s and thought it was a fashion secret that nobody else knew about.
#24: Watched the grand final in your local pub, whether you cared about the outcome or not.
#25: Caught a cult film at ACMI.
#26: Run up ALL of the Thousand Steps while on a day out in the Dandenongs.
#27: Eaten a congratulatory cake at Café de Beaumarchais after running up the Thousand Steps.
#28: Cycled around the Capital City Trail.
#29: Driven down the peninsula on a glorious summer’s day.
#30: Gotten stuck in traffic down the peninsula on a glorious summer’s day because everyone else has decided to do the same.
#31: Watched a sweaty, late-night gig at The Old Bar.
#32: Fallen into a cheese coma at Milk The Cow (either location).
#33: Had an argument about which is better, north-side or south-side.
#34: Gotten lost in Docklands.
#35: Been dropped off on the right street in the wrong suburb by a taxi driver (seriously, there’s a George Street in each and every damn one, amirite?)
#36: Fallen over in Yah Yah's at 4am on a Saturday night.
#37: Accidentally agreed to run a leg of the Melbourne Marathon.
#38: Bought some really expensive lycras and runners, because fitness.
#39: Eaten all the chicken at Gami Chicken.
#40: Fallen asleep in one of Melbourne’s beautiful parks after a massive picnic.
#41: Bought a book you never intended to from Readings.
#42: Lost your wallet/Myki/phone/dignity somewhere on Chapel Street.
#43: Taken a selfie on Princes Bridge.
#44: Drunk waaaaaay too many Cherry Bombs for a school night at Cherry Bar.
#45: Declared your love for the best burger in town at any of these burger bars.
#46: Made a wish at the Merri Creek wishing tree.
#47: Enjoyed a posh cocktail and high tea outing at Madame Brussels.
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Image credit: Major Projects Victoria via Culture Victoria