We Rank All The Biscuits Worth Ranking

By Ellen Seah
2nd Sep 2016


We hoard them in the darkest corners of the pantry and guard them with poorly concealed passive aggressive comments (and sticky notes). Because we know how much you love your biscuits, we’ve decided to definitively rank your favourites. Don’t shoot the messenger!

#33 Shapes

Yeah, we’re still mad.

#32 Sao

Like Saul, but not, because this cracker doesn’t even deserve a real name. It tastes like sadness.

#31 Anything from the Snack Right range

Remember when they genetically modified dinosaurs in Jurassic World? Arnott’s probably thought a fruit slice biscuit hybrid would be a good idea too. I hope they’ve learnt their lesson.

#30 Marie/Milk Arrowroot/Malt O’ Milk

The classic, infallible afternoon tea biscuit. Our tastebuds have long suspected these are just different shapes of the same product, but hey we’re not complaining.

#29 Wheaten Chocolate        

Marie’s cooler older brother, because chocolate is obviously going to win every biscuit battle.

#28 Cheeseboard Assorted

For the ultimate lazy party planner. Pick up cheese too, because you literally only have one job.

#27 Family/Classic/Cream Assorted

There’s always one type that gets left behind and the Chocolate Ripples always disappear first. Maybe we should all just buy chocolate ripples.

#26 Water Crackers

The ideal, practically carb-free platform to load on carb-filled cheese and dip. 

#25 Jatz

Ritz’s nerdy little sister.

#24 Ched

So you think you have the self-control to resist these deceptively ordinary biscuits? The packet won’t survive the hour.

#23 Vita-Weat               

A shout out to our healthier Arnott’s aficionados – you could do a lot worse than Arnott’s Vita-Weat biscuits.

#22 Wagon Wheels

We’re getting to the pointy end of things and marshmallow-filled sacrifices have to be made.

#21 Monte Carlo

The no-fail breakup cookie with sickly sweet jam and vanilla cream sandwiched in a buttery honey biscuit.

#20 Salada

Pile them high with as many ingredients as possible without them snapping and falling to their crumbly doom.

#19 Cruskits

Sometimes simple is smart. Pair Cruskits with slathers of cream cheese for the best tasting afternoon snack, ever.

#18 Scotch Finger

The iconic Aussie tea and biscuits biscuit. Dunk them in tea and slurp away.

#17 Farmbake Cookies

A newer addition to the Arnott’s family, Farmbake Cookies are pretty perfect for anyone who can’t bake actual cookies.

#16 Cottage Cookies  

The upgrade from Farmbake Cookies, Triple Choc Temptation Cottage Cookies are the ideal movie night consumable. Or mash them into vanilla ice cream for a DIY cookies 'n cream dessert. 

#15 Green's Chunkies Cookies 

Green's also sells that strange only-add-egg-and-milk pre-made cake mix, so obviously they know what they're doing when it comes to cookies. Much chunk. 

#14 Savoy

Stay savvy, Savoys.

#13 Iced VoVo

How exactly the pink fondant stays creamy and smooth in the packet is still a mystery. Either way, this icing, jam and coconut combo has our tastebuds singing.

#12 Ginger Nut

Did you know Ginger Nuts vary from state to state? Yes, Victorian/NSW/QLD Ginger Nuts are a thing.

#11 Tick Tocs

Educating children since 1997.

#10 Teddy Bears

There’s something about these chocolate-coated vaguely misshaped biscuits, what can we say?

#9 Hundreds and Thousands

They have sprinkles, okay?!

#8 Choc Ripple

The all-round cookie crowd pleaser with the perfect cocoa-cookie balance. 

#7 Tiny Teddies

Oh the suspense! Only Australian children know the devastating disappointment of a pack full of the Angry Tiny Teddy bear. 

#6 Mint Slice

The divider of friendships, not liking mint is no excuse for refusing a Mint Slice.

#5 Anzacs

No one dislikes Anzacs. 

#4 Country Cheese

When you’re broke and can’t afford real cheese, Country Cheese crackers will keep you sane with their rich, flaky flavour.

#3 Teevee Snacks

One box per person is the minimum.

#2 Oreos 

Whether you patiently twist, lick and dunk (which upon reflection is a little gross for everyone in your general vicinity) or gobble these whole, Oreos roll out of supermarket doors. 

#1 Tim Tams

The obvious chart topper – whether you’re an Original Tim Tam traditionalist, double down with Double Coated or stand behind Zumbo’s fancier flavours, Tim Tams are king of the Australia biscuit kingdom. 

Need more dessert? How does Melbourne's Best Dessert For Breakfast sound? 

Design credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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