Presenting our most important recipe to date—cat wine. This little ode to quiet Friday nights in watching Law & Order SVU with your furry housemates is the tall glass of red you’ve been waiting for. Optimised to suit your cat’s taste and tum, this is the beverage that’ll pull you out of forever alonedom and legitimise your withering social life.
(And no, it isn’t alcoholic, so you won’t have the RSPCA on your back).
- 3 cups of water
- 1 cup of dry catnip
- A couple of drops of natural red food colouring
- A few drops of salmon oil (just from the tin)
- Pop to the shops and stock up on all the ingredients. Do yourself a favour and try the new Cadbury Boost block—bloody life changing.
- Head home and mix the water and dry catnip in a pan over low heat while simmering for about 15 minutes.
- Take that bad boy off heat and set it aside to let it cool. Once it’s not so hot that it won’t melt your flesh away if you touch it, use a sieve to separate the wet catnip from the water and throw the wet catnip out (probably straight into your council bin outside, catnip has an unforgiving stank).
- Finally, add the drops of natural red food colouring and salmon oil (straight from the can, don’t go looking for anything too fancy, it’s for your friggin’ cat) and give it a quick stir.
- Pop it in the fridge for a couple of hours to allow it to cool and then serve it in your fanciest pet food bowl with a small plate of King Island triple cream brie and a mouse carcass and voilà! You’ll never be alone again.
Check out all of our other really, really good recipes here.
Image credit: Sam Burriss