TV & Movies

43 Thoughts We Had During Episode 10 Of Love Island

By Millie Lester - 08 Jun 2018

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Somehow we’ve made it to the end of another week in the land of sweet ‘tapitatopos’ with ~most~ of our brain cells intact. While the fellas are filling the empty hole that topless bathroom Instagrams left behind with weight lifting and audibly giving ‘the chicks’ looks-based rankings, the girls are busily crimping their hair for an important day of floating in the pool and ‘learning yoga’ from Elias.

Here are 43 thoughts we had during last night’s episode of Love Island.

  1. Dawn breaks over a new day in the villa and everyone’s excited at the prospect of finding love. Except for Elias, who’s itching to do a massive cannonball in the pool.
  2. Once he’s nailed a solid splashback and dunked a few of the girls, leaving them confused about his intentions, he has a quiet DnM with Cassidy on the deck chairs about how he’d play Scrabble with Franny but he wouldn’t tongue ‘er unless Harvey Norman paid him to.
  3. Grant and Tayla then have a domestic about the spelling of a three letter word, which gives us all PTSD from yesterday’s Tapasgate 2.0.
  4. Franny then confides in Justin that she reckons Elias wouldn’t smooch her unless JB Hi-Fi paid her to.
  5. Millie then has a rant in the diary room about how Elias is paired with Franny but she’d still kiss even if SkinnyMe Tea didn’t pay her to.
  6. Meanwhile, John-James is frustrated that he can’t pick up girls in the villa like he can in Kmart.
  7. Then Grant gets a text telling the boys to get ready for a sports championship day at the beach and Tayla gets a text telling the girls to get ready for a hair braiding competition because kill me now, how can I raise children in this world??
  8. On the beach, the boys are throwing balls and smacking bums (in slow motion obviously, this isn’t Today Tonight).
  9. Meanwhile, the girls are back at the villa smashing Passion Pop and talking about their periods.
  10. Millie then gets a text message telling her there’s a stranger at the door and then she BLOODY ANSWERS IT. Hello child services?? Where were you ten years ago when she was getting into unmarked vans??
  11. Grant has another go at identifying his own emotions. This time it’s ‘strange flying bugs that awaken in his stomach when he looks at Tayla’.
  12. Josh reckons it’s constipation.
  13. Poor Justin has another crisis of confidence about why none of the girls can see him as more than a gay best friend and Elias tells him it’s because his manbags take up too much room in the closet and they’re pissed.
  14. Back at the villa, Jaxon has arrived and he’s dropping ‘darls’, ‘sweeties’ and ‘luvs’ left, right and centre and the girls are bloody weak at the knees.
  15. All the singles then give Jaxon a tour of their ovaries, sorry - villa.
  16. After being prompted sixteen hundred times, Jaxon tells the girls he doesn’t have a type and Millie says, ‘you don’t even have a preferred dominant hand or eyebrow length??’
  17. Tash writes him off immediately once she gets word that he owns a bike, not a boat.
  18. Jaxon then declares he’s a massive misogynist and all the girls clap and tell him he’s one in a bloody million.
  19. He then reveals that, gun to his head, he’d choose to tongue-punch Cassidy’s voice box.
  20. Jaxon then receives his official Love Island Australia 2018 drink bottle, which he’ll probably develop a closer relationship with than most of the girls in the house.
  21. In lieu of sports, the gals then decide to play a prank on the boys because that’s literally what they have to resort to without internet or board games.
  22. Jaxon then reveals that he was paid over $200k to get a Sons of Anarchy tattoo, which supports his theory that he’s here to find love and not the $50,000 prize money and brand endorsements.
  23. Elias tries to make his feelings clear to Millie by attempting to give her chlorine poisoning.
  24. When that doesn’t work, he takes her to the hot tub and tells her he’d accompany her to parent teacher if she were a single mum.
  25. There’s no more Coronas in the fridge, so instead everyone circles Jaxon in the bedroom and pressures him into answering deeply personal questions for the purposes of entertainment.
  26. Up on the verandah, John-James is FREAKING OUT because he just realised that his name is a bloody joke. And also that he’s wasting precious DJ time being in a house full of platonic relationships and coconut oil.
  27. He then tells Eden that he’s leaving, who responds by sniffing him and shouting ‘capsicum!’.
  28. John-James then requests that all the boys join him in the bedroom, STRICTLY NO GIRLS ALLOWED, which is already grounds for a lawsuit.
  29. The girls then spy him dragging his suitcases down the gravel driveway and swear to unfollow him on Insta the second they break out of this shit hole and find a reliable wifi connection.
  30. Tayla then gets a text telling the girls that tonight’s entertainment will be a showcase of male abdomens and dry humping.
  31. Justin kicks the proceedings off with a faceful of crotch.
  32. Josh isn’t confident in his biceps so falls back on humour to get the gals’ blood pumping.
  33. Elias moseys out dressed as a Hawaiian cowboy and tries to strangle Millie (because drowning her didn’t work).
  34. Grant debuts his freshly waxed crack to the disgust of onlookers.
  35. Eden follows with a monologue titled ‘Touch Me & I’ll Kill You (But Kiss You First)’.
  36. And then Jaxon concludes the official ceremonies with some facial gyrating that has every 55-year old woman across the country choking on their Monte Carlo bickies.
  37. Once everyone’s settled down a bit and caught their breath, Elias’ Samsung Galaxy S9 reveals that he was most successful in making the girls a bit toey and is rewarded with the keys to the Rapey Sex Dungeon Of Love upstairs.
  38. To Franny’s disdain, he chooses to take Millie with him (probably to drown her in champaz).
  39. Meanwhile, Grant is feeling emotions again and doesn’t know what to do with himself. He can’t believe he couldn’t turn Tayla on with his smooth glutes and forward-thinking intellect.
  40. Over in the Rapey Sex Dungeon Of Love, Millie’s trying to catch some bloody Zs after almost dying six times today.
  41. But Elias has other ideas and is trying to force her into playing Uno Attack.
  42. We’re then left with a home video from an incoming beauty who’s a size 8 ‘curvy’ maneater that Sophie Monk reveals (in her mandatory tri-weekly seven-second appearance) is a special surprise for resident serviette folder, Justin.
  43. Here’s hoping she opens up the villa up to some more topical discourse now that the debate about mistreatment of refugees on Manus Island has been settled.

Keep up to date with all of the latest Love Island Australia goss right here.

Image credit: 9Now

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