Career & Money

17 Life Lessons You’ll Understand If You Have Thrifty Parents

By Yvonne Lam
1st Oct 2018

It’s hard being a millennial. We’re the HECS loan generation, the 'no Youth Allowance for you' generation, the congratulations-you’ve-been-approved-for-a-home-loan-lol-jks generation. Without a cushy trust fund to fall back on, you’ve had to work hard, play hard, and then push through that hangover to work even harder.

Imagine if there was a pair of cash-splashing parents, somewhere, somehow, who were willing to adopt you...apparently there is, over at Porter Davis.

If your real parents are more on the thirfty side (love 'em for it) and taught you the value of saving from a young age, you’ll be able to relate to these 17 things...

1. You were only allowed one showbag at the Ekka. Max two, if the second was a $1 Bertie Beetle showbag.

2. No popcorn at the cinemas for you. You packed Saos with Flora margarine.

3. Your family texts each other when there’s a 2 for $5 avocado special at Woolies. Finally, Mexican Night can happen with all the toppings.

4. Your first driving lessons were in the family’s white Ford Laser. An L-plated Mercedes-Benz must be an oxymoron.

5. The Great Australian Dream is just that for now...a dream. If you’re lucky, your parents sold your paternity story to a TV network to finance your future mortgage-paying dreams. If you’re even luckier, this rich couple will gift you a $170,000 first home deposit. No jokes.

6. If there was extra cash in the grocery budget, your parents went all out on a jar of Moccona for your morning coffee.

7. Your Saddle Club videos were the closest you came to a pony.

8. Hand-me-downs made up 90% of your childhood closet.

9. And you gazed wistfully at the kids dolled up in OshKosh B’Gosh.

10. Or Pumpkin Patch.

11. And the other 10% of your closet were homemade clothes, including one particularly memorable brown corduroy overall emblazoned with your initials “YL” on the chest. You told friends it stood for “Yves (Saint) Laurent”. They only half-believed you. (True story).

12. Your parents saved like crazy to gift you genuine Nike or Adidas two-piece tracksuits. Otherwise, their thriftiness scored you an unbelievable knockoff from the Saturday markets, with exotic brand names like “KINE”. (Also a true story).

13. You only just learned what all the fuss about superannuation is about, and are now in a state of panic.

14. Holiday conversations sounded like this: Rich friends: “I’m going skiiing in the Alps”, “Just taking the yacht for a cheeky spin around the Greek Islands.” You: “I hear there's a drive-in cinema this time of year!”

15. You go to for-sale house inspections just for a snoop through the bathroom. Then it’s awkward when the real estate gives you a call later in the week. (Imagine if you could make a genuine offer, armed with the house deposit you won from these rich parents).

16. At these house inspections, you marvel at the hardwood-covered floors. Your kitchen had cheap lino floors, or at a pinch, tiles from the '70s.

17. You’ve (twice) seriously considered creating a profile on a sugar daddy website to fast-forward that house deposit.

And no judgement if you’re going to upload that profile. But there’s an easier, faster way to win your way to home ownership, and to win at this eternal game we call 'adulting'.

Aisha and Stuart are the frivilous spending parents you never had, and they want to give away a $50,000 house deposit to go towards a shiny new Smart Living house and land package, thanks to the good folks at Porter Davis.

Seriously, all you need to do is enter your deets here, and that 'We bought a house!' #humblebrag Instagram caption could be all yours. It’s too easy.

Editors note: This article is sponsored by Porter Davis Smart Living and proudly endorsed by The Urban List. Thank you for supporting the sponsors who make The Urban List possible. Click here for more information on our editorial policy.

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