If you thought doughnuts were worth getting out of bed for, then you’ve never had a cronut. A cronut is a fusion of both France and America’s most effective heart attack stimulants, in fact buying more than four of them at once is illegal in 37 countries. But because here at The Urban List, we’re all about giving the people what they want, we’ve put together a recipe that’ll make you make a whopping 12 of them in your own house.
WARNING: Eating 12 cronuts is bad for you, in fact you’ll probably grow a second bikini body.
Here’s how to make cafe standard cronuts at home.
For The Dough
- 1 packet of active dry yeast
- 1/2 cup of warm water
- 1 tsp of fine salt
- 2 1/2 tbsp of white sugar
- 1/2 cup of milk
- 2 tbsp of melted butter
- 1 tsp of vanilla extract
- 1 large egg
- 1/8 tsp of freshly grated nutmeg
- 500g of plain flour
- 7 tbsp of butter at room temperature
For The Glaze
- 6 cups of vegetable oil
- 1 cup of icing sugar
- 1 1/2 tsp of milk
- 1/2 tsp of vanilla extract
For The Sake Of Your Health
- 1 piece of bloody fruit or at least a Diet Coke
- Call 1 3000 42957 and cancel your 2017 Hawthorn membership.
- Pop to the shops and pick up all of your ingredients. Walk past the M&M chocolate block special and into the fresh produce section and for the love of god buy a piece of fruit because your arteries are about 12 cronuts away from death’s crusty grip.
- Head home and wipe all the Woolworths chocolate mud cake crumbs off your
bedkitchen bench and pour the yeast sachets into the mixing bowl of a standing mixer (one of them thangs your mum used to make vanilla bundt cakes in). Whisk the yeast in warm water and let it stand for about five minutes or until a creamy foam forms on the top.
- Add the salt, sugar, milk, four tablespoons of melted butter, vanilla extract, egg, and nutmeg to the mixture and whisk thoroughly, or until your arm hurts, you call your mum and she tells you to run a bamix through it for 60 seconds. Pour the flour on top of the liquid mixture and place the mixing bowl onto the mixer.
- If you have a dough hook (WAT) attachment for your mixer attach, attach it now and knead on low speed until the dough forms a ball and becomes soft and sticky, which should take about three minutes.
- If you don’t have a friggin’ dough hook, pull the dough out of the mixing bowl, sprankle some plain flour on the bench and just knead it with your hands (don’t forget to take your Pandora birthstone ring off first) until it forms a soft, round ball.
- Wrap the dough ball in Gladwrap and refrigerate for twenny mins to let the gluten relax (WARNING: this recipe is NSFC-not safe for celiacs). Take a lil break now, maybe eat that apple or call your dentist and order some new teeth.
- Remove the dough from the fridge, unwrap it and dust the dough ball lightly with flour. Roll it out into about 20x50-cm rectangle just under a centimetre thick. Evenly spread six tablespoons of softened unsalted butter onto the middle third of the dough (is your life flashing before your eyes yet?). Fold one unbuttered third over the buttered third and press down lightly and then spread the remaining six bloody tablespoons of unsalted butter on top of that third. Fold the remaining third over the first (buttered) third and then move the dough into the fridge for about half an hour until the butter firms.
- Grab the dough out of the fridge and return it to the floured work surface and shape it very gently into a 20x35-cm rectangle about half an inch thick (we’re just as uncomfortable with this maths as you are). Just like we did in the previous step, fold the outer thirds over the centre third and roll it out into a 20x35-cm rectangle again. Keep the edges of the rectangle as straight as possible, however, if you’re not a practised pastry chef, we’ll let it slide. Fold the doughja-vu into thirds again and cover it lightly with a kitchen towel, and refrigerate for two hours.
- Head to your nearest Village Cinemas and see Wonder Woman, it’s the best goddamn film you’ll see all year.
- Take the dough out of the fridge again and roll it out to about a centimetre thick. Cut the dough in half crosswise and leave half on a lightly floured work surface, while (quelle surprise) refrigerating the other half of dough until needed.
- Use a sharp three-inch scone or biscuit cutter to cut 8 circles of dough from the piece of dough on the work surface. Then take a one-inch size cutter and cut the doughnut holes out of the three-inch dough circles.
- Line a baking tray with baking paper and sprinkle it lightly with flour. Arrange the cronuts and holes into the shape of a gravestone on it and let them rise in an unheated oven for about an hour until they double in size.
- Heat the vegetable oil in a deep fryer or a deep set saucepan over medium heat. Drop two cronus into the oil two at a time until they’re a murderous golden brown colour (which should take about two minutes per side). Drain the cooked cronuts on racks over paper towels so you don’t burn holes in your benchtop.
- Whisk the icing sugar, milk and vanilla extract in a bowl until it achieves a runny consistency. Gently dip the top of each cronut in the glaze and place them back on the rack for about 15 minutes until the glaze is set and adult obesity is imminent.
- Snap a picture of your cronuts and upload it to Instagram with the hashtag #ilikecronutsandicannotlie.
If you're in the mood for cooking something else, you can find all of our recipes here.
Image credit: Gabriella Bjorklund