Have you heard the joke about the German sausage? It was the wurst! It’s exhausting to be witty all the time. Trust us, we know. But we can also appreciate those clever businesses that go out of their way to give us a good laugh at their amusing, extremely cheesy name.
We found a few businesses around Melbourne that are absolutely killing the pun game, so we’ve named these Melbourne’s punniest business names around. Lettuce continue!
Lord Of The Fries
An obvious one, for obvious reasons. Lord of the Fries is one of those places where you and your friends will all have different orders thanks to its endless sauce combo possibilities, and you’ll fight to the death about whose is the best...kinda like the plot to a certain book. It's vegan too. Who knew, right?
What Da Pho
What. The. Fuuu...Oi! Noice name. Wonder what’s on the menu?! I’m sure they don’t pho around. Okay, we’ll stop. This South Melbourne restaurant is big on the playful quirks, referring to chargrilled skewers as ‘Da Sticks’ and finding your spring roll choices under the title ‘Ching Rolls’. Clever.
Wieners are great and all, but a Massive Wiener?? Move outta the way (settle down, it's just a hot dog shop). This retro-style venue dishes up wieners smothered in cheese, onions, sauerkraut and chilli. You'll find that it caters to the ravenous with the 25 inch long 'massive wiener', and to the mildly hungry with the 6" 'little pecker'. We'll leave it at that.
Wok This Way
Don’t mind if we do! You’ve probably seen this chain before, so you know that it serves bomb Chinese and Malaysian food. And it’s cheap! Rather than walk there, get it delivered. Nothing like a lazy Sunday arvo and Chinese food to help cope with the Sunday scaries.
Comfort, value and entertainment...you’d be lucky enough to hang out here. Lucky Coq is a local bar and eatery in Windsor that has an outdoor rooftop, rockin' music and really cheap pizza. Check out its food specials, which include $4 pizza, salad and jaffles during certain hours, every day of the week. That makes us feel pretty damn lucky.
New Kum Den
Oddly enough, you can find Kum Den down an alley of sex shop back doors, but you’re in for a pleasant surprise. New Kum Den serves that classic greasy Chinese food that we know and love. And nothing of the sexual sorts, we promise!
Morning Glory Express
Who’s craving some morning glory?! Not that, you horn dog. The Vietnamese vegetable dish. Geez, people! Morning Glory Express (formerly House of Hoi An) serves up classic Vietnamese street food that and apparently, it’s pretty popular. Book ahead for a good time.
Chick-in? Check-in? Chicken? Chickennnn. Grab some protein at this no-frills, Korean fried chicken shop. It’s a hole in the wall, but those are usually the best! Wash it down with an ice cold beer while you’re at it.
Not sure who ruled 'yes' on the name for this one, as Delhi Belly is basically another name for Bali Belly...if you catch our drift. But this Indian restaurant will steer you the other way. Pass the Nann because you’ll need it after chowing down on this spicy and flavourful food.
Chainsaw Massacre Salon
A gruesome name for a salon, but you gotta give them props for creativity. Chainsaw Massacre Salon offers colour, cuts, head massages and blow waves to the brave hearted who walk through their doors. Its website quite literally says, “Don’t be scared. Come and get stylish.” Not that convincing, but we’ll take a chance in the name of beauty.
Proof that the humble pho is truly God's gift for pun-hungry restauranteurs. Despite the fact it's actually pronounced 'fur'. Yeah...that kind of spoils it eh. Well who cares—Pho Nom is still one of our favourite hipster banh mi joints in the city. Try the crispy chicken banh mi with pickled carrots, diced chilli and sriracha mayo. It'll blow your tiny brain.
Angela’s Mane Attraction
Major style points for this one. Angela’s Mane Attraction is a cutting edge hairdressing salon aimed at making the client look good and feel good. That means it has a hair bar, beauty bar, make-up bar, facial bar, wedding bar...wait where’s the actual bar?! Guess that's not the main attraction.
Thanks A Latte
You are most certainly welcome! Thanks a freaking lot for giving us this cute AF cafe. Thanks A Latte is located off Balwyn road and offers a local cafe experience for those who need a quick caffeine pick-me-up.
You made it this far in life and, we get it, you deserve a freaking break. Mid Life Cycles is an independent motorcycle and repair shop that will help you find that hog you’ve always dreamed of riding. Like we said, life’s rough, you deserve this.
Lentil As Anything
More like mental as anything after the day we've been through. Sheesh. This non-for profit vegan and vegetarian restaurant is a pay as you see fit kind of eatery. There are no set prices, but a donation is definitely encouraged. Get involved with the local community and share the wealth.
What's the point in running a coin laundry if you don't have a pun name? You'll find Soapranos scrubbing stains out of every garment on Johnston Street.
Pie & Mighty
Pies are great, but they're even greater when you buy them from an establishment with a pun for a name. Pie & Mighty are serving up delicious pies in Pakenham, everything from your standard beef pies to beef vindaloo, and even Jack Daniels pulled beef pies.
Hungry? Check out what we’ve dubbed as Melbourne’s Best Pizza.
Image credit: Lentil As Anything