They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and while this can be a valid point, sometimes an insight to someone's true character can be found in the incredibly superficial details of their outward persona. A guy with a Velcro wallet? 99 per cent still lives at home and sleeps in a race car bed—dealbreaker. Girl with glitter eye shadow and a Hello Kitty bag? Good chance she also has day-of-the-week underwear and mixes them up—dealbreaker. You get the gist.
The drink a person orders can tell you a lot about the person you're drinking it with, and what's in store for the evening… Or potentially the rest of your life. Don't be naïve, Listers, we know what we're talking about.
In fact, we know so well that we offer Winger, which includes a free drink (just 'cause we're so nice) so you know exactly what you're in for after studying this article intently. The Winger experts will match your bangin' self up with a group of similarly attractive people and all awkwardness will dissipate quicker than you can say 'drinks on the house'. There will even be dares and icebreakers randomly texted to you by your Winger concierge so you'll get all the dirty details straight up.
While you plan your Winger group and outfit, make sure you're up to scratch on our definitive analysis of what your date's drink says about them. We didn't make the rules, Listers, we just dole out the truth.
Vodka, Lime And Soda
Did they specifically ask for fresh lime? And if not, did they detect the slightest hint of cordial and throw it in the bartender's face? If so, odds are you've got a clean eater on your hands. I bet they ordered a green salad with no dressing and won't be having dessert. Kudos to you if that's your style, too—you've found a match. If not, maybe keep looking.
Find it: Charing Cross Hotel
Potentially a hipster, probably a nice person. Just be wary of the label—you know what they say about people who peel it off…
Find it: Brooklyn Social
Go with your gut on this: they could be a nice, easy-going person, or they could be a bored housewife that has polished off two boxes of Fruitylexia since 10am.
Find it: GPO Cheese and Wine Room
Long Island Iced Tea
Either get ready for a biiiig night, or make an excuse to go home and read. This person is making a serious commitment to the evening, and potentially not to you.
Find it: Shady Pines Saloon
Wears a turtle neck, has a pet poodle they spoon each night, and probably runs a conspiracy theory blog. We're not here to judge, that's just the way it is.
Find it: Lantern by Wagaya
Campari And Soda
God, you're cool—can we hang out? Campari and soda drinkers are effortlessly awesome, good choice.
Find it: The Corner House
This one is dependent on so, so many things. A proper Martini is pretty much pure alcohol. Did they ask for it dirty, filthy even? If so, odds are they probably don't like the taste, and are just trying to impress you or look like a high roller. Did they chuck a Bond and ask for a preference of shaken or stirred? Either stick around and find out if they're joking and think yourself lucky for finding such delicious banter, or bail after watching them try to down a glass of straight vodka or gin.
Find it: Hemingway's
What is this, 1999? Pay close attention to whether she's sitting there making judgements on girls in scrunchies and over-using the phrase 'I couldn't help but wonder'… She lives by Sex and the City and will document your every move.
Find it: The Beresford Hotel
Safe, sophisticated and low-maintenance choice, well played. Just make sure it's not mixed with juice or a $200 per bottle type that tastes remarkably like goon.
Find it: The Hunter
This person loves fast cars, girls in branded bikinis, and definitely dug a hole in Mount Panorama the week before Bathurst 1000 to bury a case and escape the restrictions. They're probably a good laugh and quite down-to-earth, but odds are they use the 'C word' as a term of endearment.
Find it: Australian Heritage Hotel
Legend states that this drink was invented when a model-type walked in to a bar and asked for a drink to 'wake me up and f*** me up'. This drink is super-trendy, so odds are your date will be as well.
Find it: Jekyll and Hyde
Um… This is a morning-after drink. You skipped the date last night and went straight to the good stuff, didn't you? High five.
Find it: The Botanist
Mezcal Or Tequila
Potentially a member of The Urban List team—we like that stuff around here.
Find it: Mr Moustache
This is an excellent drink when made properly, and the orderer will usually get a nod of approval from the person behind the bar. So, the person who enjoys an Old Fashioned is either a top person to be around and knows their way around a cocktail list, or they're really, really into Mad Men and are potentially trying to be something of a Don Draper themselves. Note: keep an eye out, because the latter is probably not a good thing.
Find it: Button Bar
Wet Pussy Shot
You should definitely check her ID before venturing any further into this. If they're of age, be prepared for a loud and enthusiastic 'Woo!' after each shot; which could actually turn out to be fun.
Find it: The Argyle
Whisky, Neat, Whatever's On The Speed Rail
*Cough* Daddy issues…
Find it: The Whisky Room
Exhausted after all of that? Us too. Let the experts take the guesswork out of the constant social struggle and go on a Winger!