Funny

10 Reasons You Should NEVER Give Up Coffee!

By Rachel Lay - 22 Jun 2017

If you’ve clicked on this, we’re guessing you’re one of two kinds of people: you’re either really, really into coffee (us) and are here for that reassurance you definitely don’t ever need to give it up, or you're one of "those" people who doesn't like coffee. So, if you’re a total mess before your first cup of coffee, can’t stand human interaction without your morning cup, or you’re just thirsty…you’ve come to the right place.

If there’s anyone who understands how important coffee is, it’s the Dare Coffee Co. That’s why we’ve teamed up with them to bring you all of the coffee #truths hot off the (cold) press. Their new Dare Cold Pressed coffee is what dreams are made of (cold brewed 100% Arabica beans, anyone?). If you’re hanging out for that 3pm coffee kick, grab a Dare Cold Pressed and spare that look of judgment from your barista as you go for your sixth coffee of the day. 

Well latte-dah, sounds like we've probably got you seriously hanging out for coffee right now. Here's 10 reasons why you should never give up coffee. Ever. Thanks for the reminder, Dare Coffee Co. 

 

There’s a reason there is an endless amount of “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee” merch—it’s legit. We all know the pain behind those early morning starts where you haven’t had a coffee, and someone tries to talk to you, glances in your general direction, breathes…you know the drill. But, when even so much as a whiff of coffee enters your zone it’s a whole different ball game. Honestly, we’re kind of shitty people without coffee—and we’re OK with that.

#2 You Kinda Like Being In A Relationship

Being in a relationship is hard yakka. Especially without coffee. Imagine staying up all night, to the sound of your partner’s snoring, and waking up (huge eye bags and all) expected to be nice to them. Impossible, seriously. Waking up to the smell of fresh coffee, though? Absolute marital bliss.

#3 It's Your Secret To Success

Your boss asking for some ground-breaking, game-changing concepts before a coffee? Not going to happen, sorry. Your boss asking for some ground-breaking campaign ideas over a cup of coffee? Surely that’s how the iPhone was invented. Doing simple tasks like correctly buttoning up your shirt before coffee is also a dangerous mine field, and for the sake of fashion, coffee is an essential. And, don’t even get us started on trying to parallel park pre-coffee, because it just ain’t happening.

Look, this isn’t scientifically proven or anything, but boy are we funnier after a cup of coffee. Not only are our jokes absolute fire, our comebacks happen quicker, they make sense, and they are a hell of a lot funnier than that “joke” we attempted in the queue for coffee with our barista. Coffee ensures your jokes are an “I know you are but what am I” free zone.

#5 Treat Yo’ Self

You can’t give up coffee because honestly, you’re worth it. It’s a daily indulgence and we know you’re worthy of a coffee break each day. Can you imagine going out to grab a “water” with your work bestie at 3pm. Err…we’ll pass, thanks.

#6 If You Give It Up, You’ll Be A Different Person

If you do give up coffee, your friends and family most likely won’t even recognise you. You’re practically a different person. A person who can’t crack a joke to save themselves, can’t park, and would probably be out of a job if we’re being real. People who don’t drink coffee tell waiters, “you too!” when told to enjoy their meals.

Can we just pause for a moment and imagine life without iced coffee in summer? Without being dramatic, that frankly isn’t a life we want to live. Summer is made for iced coffee, and iced coffee is made for summer—it’s a semiotic relationship that definitely maintains a peaceful equilibrium in the world. So let’s just keep it as is, yeah? Told you we weren’t being dramatic.

#8 It’s Freaking Delicious

Chocolate is delicious, but you would never give that up (unless you’re absolutely insane)? No, of course you wouldn’t. So why would you give up coffee? It’s that delicious, and that integral to your life that you’d have to be in some sort of delusion to give it up. Plus, do we even need to mention tiramisu…?! Because that’s something we flat out refuse to give up.  

#9 Because "I Need A Break To Pat Dogs" Just Ain't Gonna Fly With The Boss

We'd be lying if we said we didn't pick our favourite coffee spots based on the amount of adorable pooches we get to cuddle up to each morning.  That adorable Cavoodle is the reason we walk an extra block for our morning coffee, not the baristas skills #SozNotSoz. But, explaining to your boss that you really, really need to just be around some puppers right now isn't as easy as saying "off to grab a coffee, anyone want one?" is it, now? Case in point. 

Baristas play an important role in our lives. They see us at our worst, our best, they know everything there is to know about us, and most importantly, they give us coffee. So imagine how different (read: devastating) your day would be if it didn’t start with a chinwag with your barista and some sweet, sweet coffee? Cue tears, a breakdown, and skulling your coffee.

Now go grab a coffee. You’ve earnt it.

Image credit: Images provided by Dare Coffee Co.

Editor’s Note: We teamed up with coffee aficionados Dare Coffee Co. to bring you this article. Thank you for supporting the sponsors who make The Urban List possible. For more information on our editorial policy, please click here.

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