19 Universal Truths For Any Person Who Has Ever Experienced A Period

By Anna May
19th Apr 2017

things you think when you have your period

Hey, I was just thinking. Aren’t women lucky? Aren’t we just the most BLESSED people in the world, because Jesus thought it would be a giant bag of LOLs to place a uterus in the middle of our bodies and watch us writhe in pain like a salt-covered slug for 3-7 days a month. Aren’t we just so beyond privileged that our body’s way of congratulating us for not growing a child is with an inconvenient, sometimes messy, awkward… thing? And don’t get me started on the bloody taxes. Pun intended. 

We should be allowed a giggle, a nod, or even an eye roll during our monthly visit from the period fairy, so here are 19 things you’ll definitely experience. Enjoy.

  1. There is an unwavering balance between being annoyed your period hasn’t arrived and terrified because it hasn’t.
  2. Same goes for the balance of anger and relief.
  3. Your period can (and will) arrive on the day you choose to break in your new jeans.
  4. And the raging PMS will absolutely coincide with that really important meeting or conversation that requires you to be rational. Nope.
  5. Coles will definitely run out of your favourite chocolate or chips on the day you want them most.
  6. You will run into someone you’d rather not, while crying because you saw a pigeon lose a piece of stale bread down a drain.
  7. If one more man claims being kicked in the balls is worse than the soul-burning torture that is period pain, then we can all agree to kill them.
  8. We’ve all had that moment where you don’t know if you’ve peed yourself… Or it’s time.
  9. You’ll do the nice thing and give your bestie a tampon. But you won’t realise it’s your last one and you’ll definitely get caught out.
  10. You’ll go to buy more and there will be a group of giggling teenagers lurking around that section of the supermarket.
  11. You will inevitably catch a colleague’s eye while doing the subtle ‘slip the tampon from the bag into the pocket’.
  12. Or… You’ll run into your dinosaur boss while sneaking to the bathroom with your handbag. He will notice.
  13. No matter how old you get, or how few f*cks you give, a little part of you will always be nervous about going to the pool or beach when you’re ‘on’.
  14. Your period (and refined carb cravings) can and will arrive the very day your two-week detox begins. 
  15. The person you’ve been perving on will absolutely walk past (and strike up a conversation) juuuust as you’ve subtly crop dusted. But the subtle thing won’t work out.
  16. You will pack up all your tampons, throw on your new white jeans, and then realise you jumped the gun.
  17. During a serious meeting with a colleague or on a date, your period-tracking app will absolutely pop up on your phone and loudly remind you that you’re due to bleed in T-minus two days.
  18. Dating the sexiest person alive? Prepare for embarrassment. Stained sheets prove that God has a sense of humour. 
  19. Getting to the supermarket and realising you don’t have enough money for tampons and will have to rely on a makeshift solution. Wait… That’s never happened to you? Unfortunately, it is a reality for many homeless women in Australia. But you can help. Aussie charity The Melbourne Period Project for more information. 

While we're on a roll, here are 29 things we absolutely LOVE about taking public transport (#not).

Image credit: Gabby Stjernqvist

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