Funny

27 Ways To Tell You’re Having The Most Brisbane Christmas Ever

By Desta Cullen - 23 Dec 2015

Christmas in Brisbane. What a time of festive fun, right? It’s obviously the best time of year, in the best city in the world but would you be able to pick Christmas in Brisbane from a just a few simple clues?

If you didn’t get the message from the rivers of sweat, the massive storm clouds gathering on the horizon, or the plethora of seafood and mangos, here are 27 ways to tell you are having the most Brisbane Christmas ever.

  1. Your festive outfit is from one of the three places: Sass & Bide, Easton Pearson or Camilla.
  2. You of course choose the one that most closely resembles a mu-mu so you aren’t sweating like a pig over the Christmas ham.
  3. There’s a cyclone on the horizon but so what? Christmas in Brisbane doesn’t wait for anyone.
  4. Your festive makeup is sliding off your face. Even if you don’t wear make up.
  5. You’ve got the air-con up as high as it will go and it still doesn’t feel cool.
  6. You’re not actually in Brisbane—you’re on the Sunshine Coast or Gold Coast, obvs.
  7. You’re listening to your Melbourne relatives complain about the lack of good coffee, while mainlining coconut water to get over their Christmas Eve hangover.
  8. But you’re secretly doing the same thing yourself.
  9. You find yourself defending Brisbane against your Sydney family who claim that Sydney is better because the city is on the beach, not an hour away: “Yeah, but the traffic is just so bad.”
  10. You wonder out loud if they spend Christmas on the northside/southside in the same way.
  11. It takes you about half the time it usual does to get to places because everyone’s left town.
  12. You’re on the brink of violence thanks to the car park situation at Indooroopilly. Or any of the Westfields, for that matter.
  13. You find yourself making plans to drive by complete strangers’ houses to check out their light displays.
  1. Your uncle keeps trying to bring the conversation back to how he remembers when Brisbane was just a big country town and no one knew what share plates or tapas were.
  1. You spend most of the day explaining to your grandparents what a food truck is, and the rest of it trying to trump your cousins by forecasting Brisbane’s next food trends and raving about its underground bars.
  2. Somebody makes a joke about the turkey on the table being a bush turkey. No one touches it after that.
  3. Your Christmas-themed Instagram flatlay includes a hat, sunglasses, The Collective mag and whatever drink you’ve already had waaay too many of. Oh, and the hashtag holidayz, of course.
  4. You’ve already ascertained exactly which school everyone—who’s not your family—went to and your mutual connections. Brisbane’s only got like two degrees of separation.
  5. You head to the carols in the city/Riverstage/South Bank with a group of your adult friends and sing your heart out without shame. #Nostalgia.
  6. You’re hoarding mangoes like a fiend. Because Christmas.
  1. You’ve cut your prawn-peeling time down to five-seconds per prawn. That’s 12 prawns per minute!
  2. A fight ensues because everyone is jealous of your skills and you are eating them before anyone else can peel one.
  1. The cricket is on but no one is watching it because they’re too busy trying to cool down in the pool.
  1. You're drunk by midday because you’ve been downing sparkling wine since breakfast in the hopes that it would keep you cool. Hot tip: the opposite happens.
  1. Your game of backyard cricket is about to start World War 3.
  1. You’re trying to explain the difference between Rugby League and Rugby Union to your completely un-sporting, overseas family.

27.You’re exclusively drinking a special-brewed Christmas IPA brewed from one of Brisbane’s newest micro-breweries.

Image credit: adelaidenow.com

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