Apparently people hate bananas. I’d just like to clarify that I’m not one of those people—I freaking love bananas. But after a recent banana binge, some of my dear friends thought they needed to tell me all the things wrong with bananas. So I’m handing the mic over to the banana haters…
Here are 28 things only people who hate bananas understand.
- You absolutely cannot be in the room when someone is peeling one… that smell.
- If peels are not put in the bin immediately, you will lose it, no questions.
- Said bin must have a lid. Putting a banana peel in a bin without a lid is basically a crime against humanity.
- The texture of them is disgusting, nothing else feels like this. It’s not right.
- And what’s with the stringy bits?
- Those brown spots on the skin… gross.
- And if you ever see someone eating one that actually has brown bruises on the flesh. Well, you’ll probably have to take the rest of the day off work.
- They have a weird taste when they aren’t quite ripe.
- And a disgusting texture when they are overripe. They are fickler than an avocado.
- Even people who like bananas only like 100% perfect bananas, and that’s just too much pressure to put on any fruit.
- Banana breath is a thing. If you just ate a banana, please don’t speak to us until you have brushed your teeth.
- They are weirdly phallic. Yes, we said it.
- Seeing someone eat a banana in a public place is possibly one of the most awkward things in life. So many sexual connotations.
- You can barely bring yourself to open the freezer when your mum/sister/roomie puts them in and they turn black. (Note: there is no mention of boyfriends or girlfriends doing this because if they really loved you they wouldn’t bring bananas into the house.)
- If they do, you should probably break up with them.
- How anyone can eat these things after using them to learn about safe sex is beyond us.
- No matter how many times your friend tells you that you can’t taste the banana in their smoothie, you can. They are a liar.
- Why are they always appearing on top of our bircher muesli and granola and porridge? Get. It. OFF.
- And the banana shade you get from waiters when you ask for NO banana is completely unreasonable.
- Don’t even get us started on nice cream.
- People who say they hate bananas but love banana bread, you are not true banana haters. Banana bread is just as foul as bananas themselves.
- Why do people insist on ruining perfectly good peanut butter and chocolate desserts by adding banana to them?
- But even worse, who the heck came up with the banana split?
- Do they even have that much potassium? We’re sceptical.
- Still haven’t forgiven Gwen Stefani for Hollaback Girl.
- Bananas in Pyjamas = creepy AF.
- Do we really need that banana emoji?
- Phobia of bananas is a real thing. Bananaphobia. It’s science.
While we're at it, here are 20 Things Only Coriander Haters Understand.
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