Funny

Horoscopes: Your Cosmic Week Ahead

By Melanie Host - 02 May 2017

melbourne-horoscopes


Eager to know what you’re in for in the new month ahead? All right, we won’t keep you waiting. Here’s your week’s worth of honest advice, served up with a side of inspiration and a dollop of scientifically-sketchy mysticism. As you do. 

Taurus

Lately it feels like the whole world is resting on your shoulders. Stop saying yes to everyone, Taurus! You don’t want to end up broke and alone, now do you? Also, you haven’t had any “me-time” lately… Your ruling planet Venus is calling out for a little self-reflection. What do YOU really need?

Perhaps it’s time for a new autumnal addition to your wardrobe, i.e. a new pair of jeans.

Gemini

Hey Gems, you’re planning something BIG this week, aren’t you… Can’t hide it from Mercury. Be sure to run it by someone you trust, just to make sure you’re doing the right thing.

Speaking of large sized things, you need these heeeyuuuge meatballs in your life.

Cancer

With planets moving into your outer orbit, family is becoming extra important. Keep them close, ‘cause after all, they know you best. The Moon (that’s right, the Moon) is telling you not to bottle up your emotions and just let it out this week. It'll be okay in the end.

If you really need to escape that rocky path you're on, head out to one of these.

Leo

Oh no, Leo, you’ve found yourself in a crappy spot where you’re stressed and missing meals, and we both know that’s not good for you! Don’t let anything or anyone crush your spirits. Keep calm and carry on eating well.

Need some brunch-spiration? Here, you’re welcome.

Virgo

Virgo, you’ve been oddly skeptical this past week. I mean, why do you poke at everything that comes your way? Sometimes, you just need to take things as is, even if it's not the easiest pill to swallow.

And donut question our horoscope reading.

Libra

May is going to kick-off with a big bang, Libras! This week will see you experiencing the best day of the month, with your luck peaking around Friday. After that, though, prepare for a long plateau that’ll start to kill you inside. Swings and roundabouts, eh.

Before you start asking “Where’s the thrill?”, you’ve got to spice up your life...and that means sriracha with everything.

Scorpio

Scorps, you’ve found yourself on a love-life high this week, and you’re determined to impress this new friendlier friend of yours. The only problem is, you don't know how. Be cool—your natural charms will carry you through. 

Don’t freak out, here’s where to go on date night.

Sagittarius

Your eager side is showing this week, picking up everything new and going far and wide in search of knowledge. But that doesn’t last very long: you’ll find yourself too knackered to get out of those PJs all weekend long. And hey, who could blame you?

Just go back to bed and hit the books instead.

Capricorn

This week, it's all about quality, not quantity. Supper every night is just too much, but once in a while it’s good to have a super satisfying cheat day that truly hits the spot. Saturn says this Saturday is officially NO DIET DAY (really, you can look it up).

So here’s your satisfactory Saturday night supper, sorted.

Aquarius

You’re very strong willed in nature, and that can often be too much for people around you to handle. Back down, Tiger, or you’ll lose some awesome opportunities.

Go OTT with your food and drink instead. Get these crazy desserts, hot chocs, fried food and cheese!

Pisces

Sorry Pisces, but the alignment of your planets looks like nothing but bad luck ahead. You seem to be running low on everything this week, be it money, love or passion… But don't fret, you’re going to get through! As long as you stay happy, healthy and well-fed.

Heed our advice: you need baked eggs in your tummy. Pronto.

Aries

Mars senses that you’re ready to add some new music to your collection. I mean, you’ve been listening to the same stuff for ages! Don’t you get bored?

Time for some crate digging this week.

We’re prepping you for the colder weather here at The Urban List, with our list of the best hot brekkies. Mmm.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

You May Also Like