Funny

40 Things Only Short People Will Understand

By Martha Brooke - 04 Mar 2017

No, we are not “vertically challenged”, yes, we did “eat our greens” and “drink our milk” as kids and yes, we are old enough to buy that PG 13 film.

Although being shorter than average does come with its gigantic gripes (literally), being on the shorter side of life does come with a few upsides too, ya know!

If there was ever a more fitting time to say “the struggle is real”, it’s now. Without further ado, we bring you the 40 things only short people will understand.

1. “Aww, you’re so cute”. Bite me.

2. Genuinely perspiring thinking they might not actually let you on Disney’s Thunder Mountain.

3. Backcombing of hair ensues for those extra few centimetres.

4. Being on first name basis with the alteration store.

5. And also having them on your Christmas card list.

6. The shopping struggle of finding jeans that fit around the waist and also on the legs.

7. Praising Topshop for their Petite Section. Hallelujah!

8. Knowing that some 12 year olds are taller than you is heart-sinking stuff.

9. Praying you just haven’t reached puberty yet and that a growth spurt is on its way. Soon?

10. Realising you only shrink with age and that by the time you’ll be 81 you’ll resemble a garden gnome.

11. Being able to squeeze into tiny spaces. Willingly or unwillingly.

12. Mastering the art of walking in heels. Just nipping out for a pint of milk in your Loubs is nothing short of normal.

13. Watching the back of the head of the person in front of you, instead of the band you actually paid $80 to see.

14. However, not having the worry of causing permanent back damage if you go on someone’s shoulders.

15. Having to stand on your tiptoes to kiss a loved one.

16. Buying a stool to reach shelves, the microwave, and even your bed.

17. Climbing the supermarket shelves to reach a packet of Tim Tams. Spider Man, eat your damn heart out!

18. Having to deal with people wanting to pick you up without warning or permission.

19. Dealing with nicknames such as “short stuff”, “half pint” and “squirt” on the daily.

20. Accepting the fact you will probably never, ever be the big spoon.

21. Only being able to see the top of your head in some mirrors.

22. Wondering if they got the signs mixed up for the deep end and the shallow end.

23. Nope, still small.

24. Standing on your tippie toes for group photos. “Is that ‘Dopey’ from the seven dwarves next to Sophie? Ahh, it’s just Martha.”

25. Finding that not only is your head your head, it also, in fact, doubles up as an armrest for friends.

26. Sitting on the very edge of your seat, just so you can reach the floor.

27. Hoping that one day you will be able to wear bowling shoes with laces and not just the kiddie velcro variety.

28. Being able to rock a size “L” t-shirt as a dress.

29. Full on running to keep up with your tall, walking friends.

30. “Oh, what a cute miniskirt!” *Tries on; below the knees.*

31. Always sitting in the middle in a full car.

32. You look up to everyone. Literally.

33. How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they were too small.

34. Losing your friend in a crowd at a concert and realising you will spend the rest of the night alone. It was nice knowing you.

35. Being able to pull a pair of tights pass your boobs.

36. Getting away with ordering a child’s ticket on occasion. Ha, suckers!

37. Becoming a pro at rolling jeans, like you have a choice.

38. Hugging a tall person to only land in a pile of squishy, eye-levelled bosom instead.

39. Not even pretending to hide your blood-boiling anger when a tall woman whose legs resemble your entire body length and more, says that she wishes she were small. Just no.

40. Accepting that the best things really do come in small packages.

This article also appears on our sister site, The Urban List

Image Credit: Central Intelligence

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

You May Also Like