With the recent news that the Queensland Government want to introduce 2am ‘last drinks’ in bars, pubs and clubs across the state, Brisbane's bar fans are up in arms, and rightly so.
Tireless cheerleaders that we are of Brisbane's thriving bar scene, we're virtually inconsolable about losing our precious 2am-3am drinking pocket; a magical time of night where life-long friendships are made and Bacardi Breezers can be consumed without shame.
The good news though, according to our Attorney-General, Yvette D’ath is that after 2am “you can have a coffee, you can have a water, you can have a soft drink”. Yes, and don’t forget you can also have a juice or a milk or a shandy (no, hold up, that one’s alcoholic).
The bill will be introduced into parliament later this week, and if it’s passed it will come into effect mid next year. But all is not yet lost. We can still turn this ship around.
If you needed more convincing, here are 14 reasons why we think 2am last drinks, stinks:
1. Drinks, as has been proven by scientists, artists, writers and philosophers throughout the ages, are the best. Do you think Shakespeare stopped drinking at 2am? Aristotle? Einstein? Dude came up with the theory of relativity. He was clearly wasted.
2. Drinks make everyone better looking, and in our image-obsessed age surely this is worth something? They're like filters for your eyeballs; filters that are particularly necessary after 2am.
3. There are certain bars in Brisbane where it is only acceptable to go to said bar after 2am. These bars can usually be identified by their affinity for the Grease Megamix.
4. Think of the legions of Brisbane singles who will miss out on the opportunity to meet their soul mate if they stop drinking at 2am? Travesty.
5. This will lead to a population drop as the number of irresponsibly created babies plummets.
6. The earlier you stop drinking, the less excuses you have to get McDonalds on the way home, because you only had dinner like four hours before you're not even drunk-hungry yet.
8. There will be stupidly huge line ups at the kebab shop, causing a public ruckus.
9. There’ll be no reason to drink Sabotage Social’s epic Bloody Mary the morning after, which means no kransky, no doughnut, and definitely no hair-of-the-dog. And that is devastating.
10. Peeps will have to get more cultured, because those deep, philosophical 3am toilet line chats will no longer be relevant.
11. If you’re not tragically hungover on a Sunday morning, you’ll have no solid excuse to get out of pesky family brunches or lunches.
12. Think of the musicians, shift workers and hospitality peeps. They will have nowhere to go after they knock off. Cruel, much?
13. The men of Brisbane will never get drunk enough to hit the dance floor, leaving dance floor spectators with very little amusement.
14. Churchill and FDR got drunk, Hitler didn’t. Soooo enough said.
Does this really stink? Hit us up!
Image credit: Daily Advertiser