My mum was a massive earth mother so I never got to have junk food and my inner child has never let up the search for a filthy feed. 99% of the time my body is an altar of certified organic wholefoods, but every so often a slippery little childish craving whizzes through the defences and all of a sudden I’m sprawled on my couch surrounded by Crunchie wrappers and an empty pot of treacle.
Rather than allow that kind of hedonism to takeover, I recommend you mete out doses of childish whimsy on a semi-regular basis to keep the bastard cravings at bay. Here are a few *modest* suggestions:
KFD At PUBLIC
When all you wanted was some dirty bird and bae drags you out for a nice dinner, PUBLIC’s got your back. The KFD, or Kentucky Fried Duck, comprises of gnarly, glistening chunks that taste better than your wildest dreams permit so it’s an elegant transition to fine dining for your inner child. Eating it with your hands is not encouraged but it is understandable.
Mac ‘N Cheese Squares And Popcorn Chicken At Red Hook
Red Hook is one of those places where you could build a meal on sides alone, which is exactly what my parents used to do when my pernickety eating habits prevented me from ordering off the regular menu. Red Hook’s popcorn chicken and mac ‘n cheese squares are a dainty alternative to a fledged meal, and I would also recommend rounding out the repast with some battered pickles.
Fish-Shaped Waffle Cone Ice Cream At Chocolate Komberry Co.
The Komberry specialises in every kind of sweet concoction from cronuts to soft serve and they’re always up to new tricks. To be fair, pretty much anything that makes it out of this van will appeal to your inner child (see the ice cream sandwich made with slabs of cookie dough) but our favourite big kid indulgence is the fish-shaped waffle cone made with a chocolate rim and holding aloft a swirling turret of soft-serve gelato. Needless to say, each component is made by hand on site and would qualify as a brilliant dessert on its own.
Potato Slinky At Eat Street Markets
Eat Street’s potato slinkies are more than an architectural feat; they’re a gastronomical revelation. Made from passing a spud through a slinky cutter and stretching it along a skewer, the potato slinky is then given the French fry treatment and finished off with vinegar salt. The increased surface area allows for maximum crunch with minimum squish and delicately toes the line between gem and chip, which is brilliant because my inner child can never decide between the two.
Fish Finger Sandwich At Hope & Anchor
Oog, does this ever take me back to those times I couldn’t be trusted with a knife and fork. Anyone who spent their early years with a similar problem is probably aware of the reliable parenting hack of serving every meal in sandwich form. Mercifully, the fish finger sandwich at Hope & Anchor kicks the crap out of Captain Birdseye and goes down super smoothly with a pint and a side of chips.
Rainbow Unicorn Doughnut Cake At Chester Street Bakery
Every kid’s four favourite things rolled into one, if this cake had been around in the mid 90s it would have accounted for every filling I received. Chester Street’s arsenal of cakes is replete with desserts to charm my inner child (stuff like a cookie dough cake, a rainbow ice cream number, and a Golden Gaytime cake to name a few) but for us the winning ticket is the tower of devil’s food cake with raspberry buttercream and topped with meringue, raspberries, confetti and two doughnuts from Doughnut Time.
Loaded Tater Tots And Uh-Oh Spaghetti-O Toastie At Melt Brothers
Rather than buy into the fries game, Melt Brothers decided to try something a bit different and lo’ the loaded tater tots were delivered unto us. We are so thankful for this proof that there is no bad way to deep fry potato, and the added trimmings of housemade seasoning, cheese sauce, crispy bacon bits and spring onion really gives it that extra oomph. Goes really well with one of Melt Brothers’ Uh-Oh Spaghetti-O (yeah, that's spaghetti and ragu—between bread!) grilled sangas lemmetellya.
Brownie Waffle At Let Minnow Café
Who orders dessert for breakfast? A two-year-old child, that’s who. Let Minnow Café is hyper aware of the child in charge of our dining desires so they have generously gifted the public with this slammin’ first meal. Construction begins with a chocolate waffle with dark choc-chips, then on goes a scoop of vanilla ice cream, followed by a waffle cone and a toffee shard, then drizzled in berry compote, maple syrup and chocolate sauce. Add bacon to see stars.
Image credit: Tayaki