The universal day of flower trading and PDA is returning for yet another stomach-turning day of ‘No YOU hang up’ and it’s safe to say that such Valentine's Day practices are not for everyone. When you’re in the loving mood this non-holiday can have its perks, but there’s something about celebrating V-Day with 400,000 other couples that kinda detracts from the burning pits of passion you and your beloved have spent years stoking.
You might be nursing a broken heart, bitter to your bones (me), or completely fed up with the commercialisation of romance; whatever your reason for wanting to steer clear of the Valentine’s giddiness, this list will help you avoid loved up trouble zones and spend the day doing other stuff completely unmarred by pesky feelings.
- Work on you at the launch of Yoga Bones Paddington.
- Spend the evening appreciating your two great loves, sit-coms and wings, with Friends trivia at Shady Palms.
- See if you can scalp tickets to Springsteen and the New Jersey rhythms of a man who categorically does not care what shade of pink your favourite roses are.
- Order in a curry banquet and chase it up with a playlist of Sousa’s marches.
- Charter a boat and set a course for international waters where the capitalist fat cats can’t touch you.
- Thought there wasn’t anything more painful than heartbreak? Take up Crossfit for the day and think again.
- Finally get around to watching that documentary about Syria.
- Load up on bulk garlic bread and stave off vampires and Valentines in one go.
- If it’s the mercenary nature of mainstream Valentine's Day that gets your goat, curate a personalised romantic agenda for you and bae. Holding a boombox over your head meant nothing until someone did it in the name of love.
- Book yourself in for a much-deserved colonic irrigation.
- Get absolutely hammered on Feb 13 and spend Feb 14 sleeping and cuddling a Big Mac.
- Go for a wander through the botanical gardens and check out some flowers in the ground.
- Load up a shopping cart with Freddo Frogs, Curly Wurlys, Toblerones, Kit Kats and literally any other confectionary that is neither heart-shaped nor rose-flavoured.
- Ever caught feelings at Crazy Clark’s? It’s not a coincidence.
- Movie theatres are notorious catchments for loved-up couples on Valentine’s Day. Stay at home and stream season one of The Thick Of It to put a dampener on any romantic moods that might be sneaking up on you.
- Bluntly stare down your contempt for love at Cobbler’s Anti-Valentine’s whisky jamboree.
- Finally pick up that bookcase from IKEA, the antithesis of marital harmony.
- Nothing inspires romance like a nice view. Steer well clear of riversides and mountaintops in favour of bus stations and storm water drains.
- Sign out of all your social media accounts for the day.
Image credit: Laura Ockel