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Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

By Olivia Atkinson - 04 Jan 2018

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

A new year, a new chance for us to dish out some highly accurate predictions about your life. That’s right, folks, we’ve sussed out your horoscope for 2018. Not going to lie, some of you have it better than others, but all-in-all, it’s set to be a cracker of a year. 

Here’s your totally legit horoscope for 2018. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Basically, you’re going to kick butt. We’re talking serious self-improvement, smashing it at work and grabbing life by the balls in general. You’ll hit a bit of a slump in August but will make it through with the help of Thai takeaways and Netflix binging, and come out the other side with bucketloads of new ideas and energy. Life in the love lane is looking particularly sparkly. Prepare yourself to encounter firework-worthy intimacy or even have your SO drop a knee! 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Do yourself a favour, Taurus, and relocate to a tropical island with free-flowing mojitos until April—you don’t need to get your shit together ’til then. But when April rolls around, you better be holdin’ onto your panties! You’ll be thrusted into full-blown goal-chasing mode (apparently it has something to do with the sun) and be as determined as ever to achieve greatness. In early July, you might find yourself having to slow down and help a friend or family member navigate some rough seas. Once that’s done, August will be the perf time to step out of your comfort bubble and try something new, like asking your hot, single neighbour out or getting a fab new hairstyle. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Soz babes, but shut your mouth. We know you loooove a good gossip sesh and speaking your mind but aggressive Aries is going to be up in your grill from the end of March to mid-April and you might (probably) end up saying something you shouldn’t. Kapeesh? Take up a trendy AF hobby like pottery or quilt making in May and you’ll surprise yourself and everyone around you with your natural talent. When looking for love and stuff, be sure to seek out people who keep you on your toes or else you’ll get bored and ditch bae for booze and burgers. Speaking of, if you’re in a relationship, stop using the word ‘bae’ and make use of your new ability to communicate clearly (it will happen around June) by writing good ol’ fashioned love letters. Thy betroth’d shall loveth it. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

2018 is your bitch. The stars are going to help make it the best frickin’ year ever so get ready to pop the bubbly and let the good vibes flow. Fam bam, friends, love and moolah are all going to be easy peasy but there’s a catch. Soz. Work might be a bit niggly. You’ll get off to a stellar start in January but by the time June rolls around, you could find yourself overthinking things or convincing yourself that everyone is trying to sabotage you. It’s all in your head, you lovely thing! In fact, all these funny feelings are likely to stem from your past. Don’t be surprised if you have to nut out some unresolved past stuff come September—with the right support network you’ll be able to smash through those barriers and continue with your epic AF year. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead 

From the get-go drama will try to lure you in like the sweet, sweet smell of a freshly baked gluten-free chocolate mud cake and you’ll have to try your hardest to resist it. In mid-Feb, remember that it isn’t too late now to say sorry and own up to your mistakes. Once that sort of housework is out of the way, it’s playtime. June is when you can let your hair down, buy some fancy new threads and be unapologetically yourself. Roar, baby, roar! 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

High highs and not-so-low lows are on the cards for you, logical Virgs. Pretty much out of nowhere, you’ll find yourself better equipped to handle things that life throws at you, leaving more time to drink rosé with the gals and perfecting the culinary art of lasagne. Your planet Mercury is set to have three retrogrades (April, August and November) which will have you thinking WTF at first but leave you with empowering, badass feels afterwards. When dating, do your best to calm your farm, lighten up and take things as they come—loosen the reigns and let things flooOoooOw. Oh, and a saucy holiday romance might be on the cards. Reow. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Like a bunch of work colleagues eyeing up the last sausage roll at a goodbye morning tea, you’re in the spotlight this year, Libra. It’s going to feel bloody weird but embrace your newfound popularity and everything will naturally fall into place. You’ll also probably find your soulmate and become your family’s reigning Scrabble champion—two of your life’s most important events. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Word to the wise: chill the f*ck out on New Year’s Day. The sun is going to join Pluto, one of your ruling planets, so you’ll be feeling fresh as but everyone else in your life will be clutching a Powerade and trying not to vom. That is all. No, really, your energy is going to be, like, super intense this year so make sure you use it in a productive way, like at the gym or through meticulously organised Excel spreadsheets. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

You’ll be hitting the ground running, kiddo, and there won’t be many signs of slowing down. Being the freedom-lovin’ travel bunny that you are, you might be surprised to find  yourself craving to stay put for a while. But once that’s out of your system, it’s full steam ahead and by the end of the year, we bet you’ve got the next big trip in the works. In other news, your love life is going to be h-o-t, hot. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Y’know when you wake up from an arvo nap after a big night on the turps and the haze, headache and nausea has been replaced with a craving for four cheese pizza? That’s what 2018 is going to be like for you, Caps. You’ll see life through a pair of clarity goggles making smooth sailing that much easier. Just make sure you get a solid crew behind you because things might sink a wee bit in December. 

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead

Ch-ch-ch-changes are a-comin’. We’re just not sure what. A new job? A new boo? A new health food fad that you can’t help but become obsessed with? Either way, you can be sure that your job will be golden and your bank account will be happy. If you’re in a relationship, this will get steamy at the end of the year when you get seriously serious about each other. Are those wedding bells we hear?

Horoscopes: Your (Un)Believable Year Ahead 

Just keep swimming, Pisces! Literally. Your water element will come to life in Feb and you’ll want to spend all your time at the beach instead of slogging through work. Your social sched will be crazy busy—something that you’re not used to but will embrace with open arms and a chilled glass of vino like the classy fish you are. You might find yourself becoming more and more spiritual. Don’t resist it—you’re morphing into the loving hippy child you’re meant to be. 

Thinking of travelling this year? Here's where to travel based on your star sign. 

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