The season of social anguish is upon us. Our calendars are filling with drinks, dinners, lunches and catch-ups all preceded by the word ‘Christmas’ and all simmering with the promise of expensive gifts and uncomfortable food babies the next morning. Winkling out a cosy spot in our December calendar is that most fickle of joys, the equally adored and abhorred office Christmas party.
This festive ritual has taken such a hold over corporate culture that even Hollywood has gifted us with an entire movie dedicated to this special occasion (running out of ideas? Never).
We’ve compiled this handy guide to help prevent you becoming one of those idiots that manage to derail every goddamn office Christmas party.
Be safe, drink water, think twice before acting on any of the following:
- Get drunk and hump the printer.
- Tell Barbara what you really think of her haircut.
- Hit on your manager.
- Hit on your manager’s husband.
- Choose this as the perfect time and place to unleash that bloodcurdling domestic you and your S.O have been brewing up for the past three months.
- Karaoke (we're totally guilty of this...)
- Dust off that ‘hilarious’ anecdote about the time you and your mates went to a buck’s night in Amsterdam.
- Announce that the company is going under.
- Use the words ‘let’s get this party started’ at any point in the evening.
- Get unduly competitive during celebrity heads and punch the director.
- Take the mistletoe seriously.
- Get upset because Laura from marketing came in the same dress—and she wore it better.
- Go hard in the first hour and pass out on the boardroom table.
- Act on those feelings you’ve got for Darryl in accounts.
- Puke in the water cooler.
- Let slip about the (secret) fight club in the tax division.
- Invite the lads from your social netball team to knock-ons.
- Forget the name of the guy who works in the adjoining cubicle.
- Come dressed as a sexy tankard of eggnog.
- Hit up the legal team for some free advice on your upcoming summons for indecent exposure.
- Replace half the cartons of beer with bottles of your own home brew.
- Corner your boss for a heartfelt D and M in the bathroom and confess how little work you actually do in a day.
- Bring your dealer.
Bit of a Christmas grinch? Here's how to avoid Christmas altogether this year...
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