Funny

How To Celebrate Christmas Day Like A Western Australian

By Kirsty Petrides - 21 Dec 2016


For many of us, the magical thing about Christmas Day (besides the presents and the food, obviously) is that it's always the same. The daily format of December 25 does not change year to year—it stays EXACTLY THE SAME. Because tradition.

But it has been a long year, so some of you might need a bit of refresher on how to celebrate Christmas Day like a true Western Australian. So as a Christmas gift to you, we’ve compiled a list of things you need to tick off.

Morning

  • Wake up with a massive hangover because you were at The Left Bank Christmas Eve party the night before.
  • Go to the beach. (It’s not Christmas Day in Perth if you don’t go to the beach.)
  • Take a photo of yourself at the beach in your bathers and a Santa hat.
  • Post said photo on Instagram with the hashtags #amazingWA #Christmas
  • Realise it’s too stinking hot to be at the beach, and promptly go home to your air-conditioned sanctuary.
  • Unwrap your presents, and then rock off with everyone as to who has to brave the blistering hot outdoors to take all the wrapping paper out to the recycling bin.
  • Have a champagne breakfast in your bathers. Get a little bit drunk.
  • Have a mid-morning nap.

Afternoon

  • Drive for 40 mins to Christmas lunch with your extended family. (Because Perth is very spread out, just FYI.)
  • Exchange presents with your family, which is really just everyone handing each other warm bottles of wine and melted Cadbury Christmas Stockings.
  • Stand around together cooking prawns on the BBQ and drinking beers.
  • Sit down to your outdoor Christmas lunch, and very quickly get the back-of-leg and upper-lip sweats.
  • Drink more beers in an effort to cool down.
  • Realise that because you’ve had too many beers, you’ve forgotten to apply sunscreen.
  • Quickly discover that your back and shoulders are now the same colour as your Santa hat.
  • Drink more beers to make yourself feel better.
  • Have an afternoon nap.

Evening

  • Arise from your nap and have a glass of champagne with the family to wake yourselves up.
  • Sit down to ‘Christmas dinner’ (i.e. leftovers from lunch) whilst listening to Mariah Carey “All I Want For Christmas” on repeat.
  • Discuss what a great film ‘Love Actually’ is.
  • Now that it’s night-time and it’s cooled down a bit, crack open a bottle of Margaret River cab sav.
  • Have a massive drunken argument with your idiot cousin because he barracks for the Fremantle Dockers instead of the West Coast Eagles.
  • Ignore said cousin for the rest of the evening. Because he is obviously a tool, and always has been.
  • Put ‘Love Actually’ on.
  • Drink more cab sav.
  • Pass out.

Love Christmas in Perth? Check out these 40 Reasons Why A Summer Christmas Is Better Than A Winter Christmas.

Image credit: Ugly Xmas Rashies

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