The Print Hall | Image credit: Louise Coghill
Santa Claus is coming to town and he’s made a list of all the bars to visit this festive season (for reasons both legitimately Christmassy or because it’s just a damn fine bar) and he’s checked it twice.
So, for goodness sake, grab some friends, some Santa costumes and get cracking. Here are Perth's 12 bars of Christmas.
Because every Friday and Saturday afternoon in December, Dominion League have a glazed ham on the bar and handsome barmen slice and plate up for you—like a real boyfriend. And they have a Christmas tree downstairs in the whiskey emporium that is laden with small bottles o’ booze. Pluck one off the tree and drink it neat or have one of Santa’s bar helpers turn it into a delicious cocktail.
Because you could get a peking duck from one of the many Asian restaurants around this 399 Bar and carve it up at the table like a Christmas turkey. Make sure to look the bartender straight in the eye while you do it.
Frisk. Small Bar.
Because Frisk. Small Bar. hosts an annual orphans dinner on Christmas Eve. They’ll put on the roast meat (looks like it’s going to be a roast lamb and a succulent honey baked ham this year). Bring a big serving of your favourite side dish and get there between 6-7pm. There will be crackers, jingles and a new and improved family that enjoys fine bespoke gin cocktails. Donations to Beyond Blue are welcome.
Because you can see the giant-ass Christmas tree from your bar stool at The Royal. It’s the perfect opportunity to make out with a co-worker at your office party and regret it. Meeeerrry Christmas.
Because the Mechanics Institute bartenders are so good that you can go up to them and be like “I’d like a cocktail that tastes like Christmas please” and they will be like “what kind of cocktails do you like?” and you’ll look them straight in the eye and yell “Just get me what I ordered! CHRISTMAS!”
The Flying Scotsman
The Flying Scotsman = many, many bearded men. One of them could be Santa.
Varnish On King
Because the three wise men brought baby Jesus gold, frankinsense and…sparkling shiraz. The crew at Varnish On King are serving it up this December along with this delicious little Christmas number—the split and grilled marron with stone fruit and spiced bourbon butter.
The Flour Factory
Mistletoe, a poisonous evergreen plant particularly popular with creepy people, like Johnno from Accounts. It’s also the inspiration for The Flour Factory’s Christmas drink! Behold the “Mistletonic”— Tanqueray Gin, festive tonic water and a brochette of dehydrated cranberries and fresh grapefruit.
The Ellington Jazz Club
Because sometimes it’s best to leave Christmas crooning to the professionals (while you grab a martini). Check out The Ellington Jazz Club’s Christmas gigs—like Libby Hammer’s Christmas Show or Kallan Phillip’s Soulful Christmas Party.
Because I feel like the dance floor at The Court is where I’m most likely to hear Mariah Carey’s "All I Want for Christmas is You" on repeat. I might be wrong. But I’m not.
Because at Print Hall you’ll pass a rich guy in a suit and he’ll say in a ye oldey English Accent “You, boy, what day is it?” and you’ll be like “Woi it’s Christmas Dai serr!” and ye will laugh and be merry.
Mrs Brown Bar
Because you can sit at the bar at Mrs Brown, order a couple drinks and then be like “hmmm I feel like we’ve forgotten something…..*slaps face with both hands* KEVIN!!” and then run home and watch Home Alone.
Then Christmas. The end.
Want more Perth bars? Check out 35 Perth Bars You Should Have Been To!