Gifts

50 More Last-Minute Passive-Aggressive Gifts For Your Friends, Family And Colleagues

By Hilary Simmons - 09 Dec 2017

passive-aggressive-christmas-gifts

Last year, we published a passive-aggressive gift guide to help you be an undercover asshole at Christmas. And frankly, you guys really seemed to like it. So we came up with some new suggestions for those of you are feeling slightly passive aggressive this gift-giving season… and, well, always.

Insert necessary caveat about this all being tongue-in-cheek *here*.

Obviously, passively addressing people’s flaws with a gift is not the best way to win friends and influence people. But hey, it’s the silly season and you’re probably hungover, so stop pretending to be all holier-than-thou and embrace your snarky side.

Here’s the only list you’ll need when you go gift shopping for those irritating f**kers who call themselves your friends, family and colleagues.

  1. For the brunch addict: Egg poaching bags.
  2. For the wine snob: A case of Passion Pop containing all the flavours.
  3. For the self-righteous vegan: A set of steak knives.
  4. For the vegetarian gardener: A carnivorous plant.
  5. For the office gossip: A tea set *sips tea*
  6. For the friend who longs to see the world: A plastic globe.
  7. For the person who never shows appreciation for your incredibly thoughtful gifts: A set of thank-you cards.
  8. For the friend who can be astoundingly shallow: A shovel.
  9. For the colleague who’s always carrying a takeaway coffee cup: A keep-cup.
  10. For the wannabe homeowner: Monopoly.
  11. For the parent who’s always chiming in with their opinion: A solo percussion instrument.
  12. For the manager who’s always talking about transparency: Glad Wrap.
  13. For the sibling who keeps crushing your dreams: A dream catcher so they can finally crush their own.
  14. For the friend who accidentally kills plants: Prick by Gynelle Leon.
  15. For the person you may or may not be dating: A metre-long ruler so you can measure how distant they’re being.
  16. For the casual f**k buddy: A pair of glasses, because apparently, they’re still seeing other people and the strain on their eyes must be enormous.
  17. For the office dieter: Plastic donuts and pastries for their desk.
  18. For the avid hiker: A mini golf game for the toilet.
  19. For the colleague who’s always working from home: A framed picture of their empty desk.
  20. For the person who always ‘misses’ your emails: The Mammoth Book of Unexplained Phenomena by Roy Bainton.
  21. For the inner-city mate who complains about not being able to afford a house: An avocado-shaped piggy bank.
  22. For the friend who’s a total tight arse: An arse-shaped piggy bank.
  23. For the person who’s always talking trash: A basketball trash can game.
  24. For the friend who always pays for things with large handfuls of change: Four crisp $5 notes.
  25. For the colleague who’s always peeping at your computer screen: Side blinders.
  26. For the blokey father-in-law: A Swarovski-studded screwdriver.
  27. For the person who lets other people walk all over them: A doormat.
  28. For the friend who says they love bondage: A DVD of 12 Years A Slave.
  29. For the activewear addict: A balaclava so they can eat brunch at highway robbery prices and then run away (without you ever having to see their face).
  30. For the Instagram addict: One of those tacky personalised calendars filled with photos they’ve untagged themselves in.
  31. For the uptight parent: A bag of eggshells so they can find out what it feels like to walk on them.
  32. For the self-professed Masterchef: Microwave cookware.
  33. For the judgmental grandparent: A DIY will kit.
  34. For the cousin whose hipster beard is out of control: A beard care gift set.
  35. For the ‘wellness warrior’ who believes in natural medicine: The Woman Who Fooled the World: Belle Gibson’s Cancer Con by Beau Donelly and Nick Toscano.
  36. For the dude who’s always on Tinder: Playing cards so someone might finally want to see his deck.
  37. For the vinyl collector: An iTunes gift card.
  38. For the colleague who always uses your coffee cup: A coffee cup with their picture printed on it.
  39. For the person who never shows up on time: A ‘Late AF’ tshirt.
  40. For the frazzled couple whose kids are little monsters: Your Kid’s A Brat And It’s All Your Fault by Elaine Rose Glickman.
  41. For the colleague who always eats tinned fish at work: This mug that says it all.
  42. For the gym fanatic: Any kind of age-delay skincare.
  43. For the person who voted for Trump: This hairpiece-wearing Trump-scented candle, so they can further their contribution to the world going up in smoke.
  44. For the anti-hipster hipster: An ‘I hate shirts with words on them’ tshirt because they’re sooo above that shit.
  45. For the colleague who always misses their deadlines: How to Develop a Brilliant Memory Toolkit by Dominic O'Brien.
  46. For the person who’s always throwing shade: An umbrella so they can throw even more.
  47. For the domestically-challenged sibling: Pizza!: An Interactive Recipe Book by Lotta Nieminen and Meagan Bennett.
  48. For the grammar nerd: A set of ‘Grammar Police’ pens so they can scribble on your work in style.
  49. For the relative who lives in Sydney: A few heartfelt condolences, or a coin to toss in the harbour to wish for a better nightlife.
  50. For the person you simply can’t stand: A bag of penis gummies so they can literally eat a bag of dicks.

Image credit: Prick by Gynelle Leon via Hatchette Australia

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