Funny

36 Things That Will Annoy You If You’re From Sydney

By Ally Parker - 02 Dec 2015

crowds in bondi

Let’s get one thing straight, we love Sydney. We love its coffee, we love its rooftops, we love its ‘I’m down for a challenge’ road system but when a day trip to Bondi seems more akin to an episode of Legends of the Hidden Temple (yellow helmets and all), we get more than a little miffed. 

Breathe deeply, hands to heart centre and practice your oms; here are just some of the things that drive us a little loco about our beloved Sydney town. 

  1. When your soy milk curdles in your flat white.
  2. When you can't get a parking spot in Bondi—and pay $8 a minute if you do manage to carry favour with the parking gods.
  3. Going to Darling Harbour and accidentally photobombing a tourist photo every 2.5 seconds.
  4. When it takes longer to drive to the beach than the time spent there.
  5. When the public transport shits itself every time there's a storm/heat wave/mild wind.
  6. When people from Melbourne boast about their trams and all you have to say is “Well…. we might be getting a light rail in 2018.”
  7. The M2 Motorway’s all over the shop speed limits.
  8. Getting asked by a tourist to take a photo each and every time you step foot in Circular Quay—we just wanted some gelato.
  9. M4 Motorway roadworks—‘Completion in 20-Never’.
  10. Opal card readers failing on buses (still work better than Myki though).
  11. When you have to wait over two hours for a seat at The Grounds after spending 45 minutes finding a park in the next suburb over.
  12. Venturing to the other side of the bridge (we’ll let you decide which is which).
  13. Attempting a Thursday night shop on Pitt Street Mall.
  14. Getting invited to The Cross for a night out when you’re over the age of 20.
  15. Forgetting what name to say at the door for a slightly less exorbitant fee at the Ivy.
  16. Trying to get a table straight away at literally any Bondi café on the weekend.
  17. Newtown after 1:30am on a Saturday.
  18. When your Surry Hills barista uses anything other than Bonsoy.
  19. When your Marrickville juice/smoothie rings up to $20… and you consider it a bargain.
  20. Attempting a Kirribilli Bridge Walk and fighting through the hordes of tourists who MUST walk on the bridge side.
  21. When the forecast 25 degrees and sunny but means 90 per cent humidity with a chance of screw you.
  22. Getting stink-eye for living anywhere other than the inner-west—have you been to Crows Nest? Mosman? They’re nice guys.
  23. Having to rely on buses only—Glebe, Randwick, and pretty much the whole of the Northern Beaches, we’re looking at you.
  24. Driving two hours to get anywhere if you live in or beyond the Hills District. 
  25. When your kale chips which just aren’t crackly enough. 
  26. When you averaged an umbrella a day during #sydneystorm.
  27. Going man-bun hunting and only finding floppy buns.
  28. When your bircher muesli has too much fruit and not enough of a floral display.
  29. Venturing down to the Surry Hills cat café… only to remember you’re more of a dog person.
  30. Losing a chip to thieving seagulls at Manly (swearing you could hear a squawked remark about your weight as they fly off).
  31. Coming back from Bondi with a damp, sandy bum and hitting apocalypse-level traffic.
  32. When your Redfern or Newtown burger-joint runs out of Japanese milk buns.
  33. The fact that you and your mates weren’t selected for Kebab Kings on SBS—does our loyalty meaning nothing? 
  34. Trying to take a selfies at The Oaks Hotel only to be drowned out by the fairy light tree.
  35. Mastering the tongue twister that is Brewtown Newtown hungover on a Sunday.
  36. Rent.

Want more? Here's our list of things so Sydney it hurts.

Image credit: Daryll Jann


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