Let’s get one thing straight, we love Sydney. We love its coffee, we love its rooftops, we love its ‘I’m down for a challenge’ road system but when a day trip to Bondi seems more akin to an episode of Legends of the Hidden Temple (yellow helmets and all), we get more than a little miffed.
Breathe deeply, hands to heart centre and practice your oms; here are just some of the things that drive us a little loco about our beloved Sydney town.
- When your soy milk curdles in your flat white.
- When you can't get a parking spot in Bondi—and pay $8 a minute if you do manage to carry favour with the parking gods.
- Going to Darling Harbour and accidentally photobombing a tourist photo every 2.5 seconds.
- When it takes longer to drive to the beach than the time spent there.
- When the public transport shits itself every time there's a storm/heat wave/mild wind.
- When people from Melbourne boast about their trams and all you have to say is “Well…. we might be getting a light rail in 2018.”
- The M2 Motorway’s all over the shop speed limits.
- Getting asked by a tourist to take a photo each and every time you step foot in Circular Quay—we just wanted some gelato.
- M4 Motorway roadworks—‘Completion in 20-Never’.
- Opal card readers failing on buses (still work better than Myki though).
- When you have to wait over two hours for a seat at The Grounds after spending 45 minutes finding a park in the next suburb over.
- Venturing to the other side of the bridge (we’ll let you decide which is which).
- Attempting a Thursday night shop on Pitt Street Mall.
- Getting invited to The Cross for a night out when you’re over the age of 20.
- Forgetting what name to say at the door for a slightly less exorbitant fee at the Ivy.
- Trying to get a table straight away at literally any Bondi café on the weekend.
- Newtown after 1:30am on a Saturday.
- When your Surry Hills barista uses anything other than Bonsoy.
- When your Marrickville juice/smoothie rings up to $20… and you consider it a bargain.
- Attempting a Kirribilli Bridge Walk and fighting through the hordes of tourists who MUST walk on the bridge side.
- When the forecast 25 degrees and sunny but means 90 per cent humidity with a chance of screw you.
- Getting stink-eye for living anywhere other than the inner-west—have you been to Crows Nest? Mosman? They’re nice guys.
- Having to rely on buses only—Glebe, Randwick, and pretty much the whole of the Northern Beaches, we’re looking at you.
- Driving two hours to get anywhere if you live in or beyond the Hills District.
- When your kale chips which just aren’t crackly enough.
- When you averaged an umbrella a day during #sydneystorm.
- Going man-bun hunting and only finding floppy buns.
- When your bircher muesli has too much fruit and not enough of a floral display.
- Venturing down to the Surry Hills cat café… only to remember you’re more of a dog person.
- Losing a chip to thieving seagulls at Manly (swearing you could hear a squawked remark about your weight as they fly off).
- Coming back from Bondi with a damp, sandy bum and hitting apocalypse-level traffic.
- When your Redfern or Newtown burger-joint runs out of Japanese milk buns.
- The fact that you and your mates weren’t selected for Kebab Kings on SBS—does our loyalty meaning nothing?
- Trying to take a selfies at The Oaks Hotel only to be drowned out by the fairy light tree.
- Mastering the tongue twister that is Brewtown Newtown hungover on a Sunday.
Want more? Here's our list of things so Sydney it hurts.
Image credit: Daryll Jann
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