Funny

What Not To Do At The Spring Racing Carnival

By Sally Coates - 14 Oct 2016

Fashion, punting, drinking, and socialising—whether you’re a fan of horse racing or not, there’s generally something for everyone at a meet.

However, when combined, these four elements can create a catastrophic situation and land you on the front page of The Daily Telegraph. With the Gold Coast’s spring racing carnival season fast approaching, we’ve rounded up a list of “what not to do” into one handy little playbook, to ensure you have the best time possible.

1. Don’t feel it’s acceptable to troll your Facebook friends list and see who you can bludge a members’ pass off.

2. Don’t drink cheap champagne from 7am just ‘cos you don’t want to pay $12 for a goddamn Smirnoff double black.

3. Don’t wear stilettos, unless you want to look like you’re walking on the moon whenever you encounter a grassy patch.

4. If you’re going to be daring and bold with your fascinator, don’t expect your boyfriend to understand or appreciate it.

5. Don’t spend one month preparing an outfit only to have it irreversibly damaged by champagne, tomato sauce, sweat, and makeup within 45 minutes.

6. Don’t wear a short and floaty hemline that’s usually only appropriate for an 11pm Saturday night mission into Surfers Paradise. This will result in you losing your modesty quicker than your dollars.

7. Please, for the love of god, keep the duck-face selfies to a minimum.

8. Don’t reapply lipstick unsupervised. We could not be more serious about this.

9. If you choose your horse based on which has the funniest name, don’t tell anyone this was your decision-making process.

10. Don’t get too confident and bet next week’s rent.

11. Don’t shout like a front rower heading into battle while the races are on.

12. Do be graceful whether you win or lose. Don’t yell “IN YOUR FACE” to losers of the former, or flip communal tables in the case of the latter.

13. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself dying slowly on the inside when running into someone you know… then making jokes about how much you’re sweating.

14. Don’t message your boss at 10pm calling in sick for tomorrow.

15. Do pray that you’ll behave like the elegant queen you are; knowing full well you’ll be stumbling walking out carrying your ruined heels, no idea where you left the ridiculously expensive hat you brought, and drunk dialling your ex.

Spring Racing carnival kicks off soon at the Gold Coast Turf Club. Happy betting, folks!

 

Photo Credit: Daily Mail

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