When you think Gold Coast nightlife, you think Surfers Paradise; the glitter strip that’s almost certainly stolen a portion of your dignity at some point in your life.
That glorious place where dirty romances are sparked; free drinks are conned out of naïve, desperate boys; filthy dance moves are executed to perfection; and the phrase “let loose” is taken a little too literally.
While times are a-changin’ and everyone remembers Surfers differently, if you’ve experienced a night out on the Gold Coast in days gone by, there’s a good chance you’ve uttered at least some of these phrases. If not, get out and live a little.
1. I only go to Surfers for Elsey.
2. Can anyone get free entry? Hang on, I’ll Facebook this guy I know…
3. I kinda wanna skip the clubbing part and go straight to smashing a kebab in the gutter.
4. Don’t forget to check us in, I want my ex to see.
5. Do you reckon the DJ takes requests?
6. The f*cking DJ won’t play Coco Jambo.
7. *After being kicked out/refused entry* I’ve only had like, two drinks! I’m not even that drunk, you’re victimising me because I’m insert gender here! *Proceeds to either cry or attempt to fight the bouncer, further proving sobriety*
8. I hate Surfers, Broady is so much classier.
9. I hate Broady, Nobbys is so much cooler.
10. I hate Nobbys, everyone is so hipster.
11. Heeyyyy… I never do this, but can I bum a ciggie?
12. The music here is like a So Fresh CD from 2007, how good is it?! GRAB SUMBODY SEXI TELL DEM HAY!
13. HAHA OMG, you know what would be so fun? Karaoke! *walks straight past*
14. *Immediately after walking into the club* I have to pee.
15. I am NOT paying full price for drinks.
16. *Two years later* I hear there’s a new cocktail bar that does an exceptional espresso martini. *adjusts monocle*
17. Who even goes to Bourbon Bar?
18. We need more clubs that are like, all about the music, y’know? More like the Melbourne club scene.
19. I miss Shuffle.
20. NO, WE DO NOT WANT A STAMP! *said aggressively and bitchily at promoters trying to give free entry*
21. Why didn’t they offer us free entry? Let’s walk past again. Make eye contact this time *when the promoters doesn’t offer free entry*
22. She cannot walk in those heels.
23. That place is full of 16-year-olds.
24. I am NOT paying cover.
25. Have you heard of dubstep? It’s saaahhh good.
26. I heard (insert any club in Surfers here) water down the vodka in their free drinks.
27. Why the f*ck is the Ugg boot shop still open at 1am on a Thursday?
28. I haven’t been to Shooters since it burned down.
29. OMG, let’s dance on the podium.
30. HEY PHOTOGRAPHER! TAKE A PHOTO OF ME AND MY FRIENDS. *poses intensely*
31. *To bartender* Heyyyy, it’s my birFday! Where’s my free drink? *seedy wink*
32. How funny would it be if we went to Hollywood?!
33. *To every busker* Omg, please play Wonderwall!
34. I’m not drunk enough, let’s go to the bottle-o and skull some drinks on the beach.
35. Let’s go to Sin City, my sister’s boyfriend’s roommate’s cousin has a booth there.
36. *In booth* Look at all those non-booth-dwelling plebs.
37. *In booth* Good God, is that what we look like on the dancefloor?
38. *At 11pm* WHYYYYY do we not come here more often, this is actually really fuuunnn!
39. *7am next morning* For God’s sake, I am NEVER drinking again. Ever.
Photo Credit: Hayley Williamson for Metropolist