39 Things Every Gold Coaster Has Said On A Night Out

By Sally Coates
14th Jun 2016

When you think Gold Coast nightlife, you think Surfers Paradise; the glitter strip that’s almost certainly stolen a portion of your dignity at some point in your life.

That glorious place where dirty romances are sparked; free drinks are conned out of naïve, desperate boys; filthy dance moves are executed to perfection; and the phrase “let loose” is taken a little too literally.

While times are a-changin’ and everyone remembers Surfers differently, if you’ve experienced a night out on the Gold Coast in days gone by, there’s a good chance you’ve uttered at least some of these phrases. If not, get out and live a little.

1. I only go to Surfers for Elsey.

2. Can anyone get free entry? Hang on, I’ll Facebook this guy I know…

3. I kinda wanna skip the clubbing part and go straight to smashing a kebab in the gutter.

4. Don’t forget to check us in, I want my ex to see.

5. Do you reckon the DJ takes requests?

6. The f*cking DJ won’t play Coco Jambo.

7. *After being kicked out/refused entry* I’ve only had like, two drinks! I’m not even that drunk, you’re victimising me because I’m insert gender here! *Proceeds to either cry or attempt to fight the bouncer, further proving sobriety*

8. I hate Surfers, Broady is so much classier.

9. I hate Broady, Nobbys is so much cooler.

10. I hate Nobbys, everyone is so hipster.

11. Heeyyyy… I never do this, but can I bum a ciggie?

12. The music here is like a So Fresh CD from 2007, how good is it?! GRAB SUMBODY SEXI TELL DEM HAY!

13. HAHA OMG, you know what would be so fun? Karaoke! *walks straight past*

14. *Immediately after walking into the club* I have to pee.

15. I am NOT paying full price for drinks.

16. *Two years later* I hear there’s a new cocktail bar that does an exceptional espresso martini. *adjusts monocle*

17. Who even goes to Bourbon Bar?

18. We need more clubs that are like, all about the music, y’know? More like the Melbourne club scene.

19. I miss Shuffle.

20. NO, WE DO NOT WANT A STAMP! *said aggressively and bitchily at promoters trying to give free entry*

21. Why didn’t they offer us free entry? Let’s walk past again. Make eye contact this time *when the promoters doesn’t offer free entry*

22. She cannot walk in those heels.

23. That place is full of 16-year-olds.

24. I am NOT paying cover.

25. Have you heard of dubstep? It’s saaahhh good.

26. I heard (insert any club in Surfers here) water down the vodka in their free drinks.

27. Why the f*ck is the Ugg boot shop still open at 1am on a Thursday?

28. I haven’t been to Shooters since it burned down.

29. OMG, let’s dance on the podium.


31. *To bartender* Heyyyy, it’s my birFday! Where’s my free drink? *seedy wink*

32. How funny would it be if we went to Hollywood?!

33. *To every busker* Omg, please play Wonderwall!

34. I’m not drunk enough, let’s go to the bottle-o and skull some drinks on the beach.

35. Let’s go to Sin City, my sister’s boyfriend’s roommate’s cousin has a booth there.

36. *In booth* Look at all those non-booth-dwelling plebs.

37. *In booth* Good God, is that what we look like on the dancefloor?

38. *At 11pm* WHYYYYY do we not come here more often, this is actually really fuuunnn!

39. *7am next morning* For God’s sake, I am NEVER drinking again. Ever.


Photo Credit: Hayley Williamson for Metropolist

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