In light of the Canadian immigration website crashing as a result of some big orange goofball (AKA Donald Trump) being elected president of the United States, we thought it was probably a good time to give our American friends a little insight into what it’s like living in Australia, should they want to get the hell outta there.
Here’s 30 things Americans need to know before they move to Australia.
1. It can get hot. Really hot.
2. We swear a f*ckload.
3. We’ll ask you to get our thongs and we DON’T mean a g-banger.
4. A g-banger is a g-string (what you call a thong).
5. Our politicians are also annoying… but much better than Trump.
6. That said, they also do dumb things too like sniffing chairs and snapping women’s bra straps.
7. Australia is one of the most isolated countries in the world so you’ll feel pretty safe here.
8. Australia is one of the most isolated countries in the world so it takes forever to get anywhere. Except for Bali or New Zealand.
9. You will get a nickname that most likely ends in the letter “a”. You might be known as Barry in your homeland but here you will forever be Bazza.
10. We’re home to the most venomous creatures in the world, the Irukandji jellyfish. Make sure your friends know CPR.
11. Our money looks like play money.
12. Cricket is our favourite past time and it’s incredibly boring.
13. You need to eat pavlova ASAP.
14. New Zealanders will try to tell you the pavlova is theirs, but it’s ours, dammit!
15. Our beaches are the best ever, so pack your togs (swimmers/bathers/swimsuit). And if you can’t swim, take swimming lessons before you get here, you don’t want to end up on an episode of Bondi Rescue.
16. Avo on toast is LIFE.
17. We get your TV shows and movies WAY later than you… unless we have a VPN.
18. Gay marriage is still not legal here for some stupid reason. BUT the Sydney Mardi Gras is pretty much the best day ever.
19. Tim Tams are the best thing ever invented.
20. Our national anthem has the word “girt” in it. Look it up because we all had to.
21. We don’t do one cent pieces or one dollar notes and it makes life way easier (and our pockets lighter).
22. Our coffee is world class.
23. Our Christmas is swelteringly hot and we’ve even got Australian Christmas carols highlighting this.
24. A “piss up” is a party you want to be invited to.
25. Koalas are so chill and cuddly because they are actually high on eucalyptus.
26. If we really like something we’ll create a big statue in its honour. E.g. the big prawn, the big banana, and the big lamb.
27. Daytime drinking is highly acceptable here.
28. You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten a meat pie with tommy sauce.
29. We will pick on your accent. But that said…
30. You will love it here and will never want to leave.
This article previously appeared on our sister site, The Urban List.
Photo Credit: Australia.com