43 Things That Are So Gold Coast It Hurts

By Sally Coates
2nd Dec 2015

The Gold Coast has more split personalities than your female colleague during PMS.

Are we a beach town? Are we a city? Are we mountain folk? Do we live in apartments or houses on acreage? Do we drink tequila shots or protein shakes? Do we wear op-shop threads or inappropriate short shorts? Do we eat burgers or kale? Do we like indie folk or doof doof?

The short answer is nobody knows. We don’t even know; but the Gold Coast keeps us guessing and we love that.

So in honour of our fine coastal home, we’ve come up with 43 things that are so definitively Gold Coast, we just wouldn’t be the same without them.

1. Having an existential crisis because half the Gold Coast are obsessed with big greasy burgers and the rest are gluten free, raw food only, boot camp veteran vegans.

2. Knowing that active wear is acceptable anywhere, but Ugg boots in public will earn you a one way ticket to Beaudesert.

3. Not knowing whether you want to scoff at, or be the guy with the hipster beard and anchor tattoo.

4. Not being able to find a gym ANYWHERE. LOLJK.

5. Being able to order an almond chai vanilla bean latte with skinny agave, garnished with a semi-organic sourdough carrot served in the hollowed out skull of an ancient tribesman, and not be judged.

6. Pretending to be looking at items in the shop window, while actually checking out your reflection.

7. Never having been to Draculas.

8. Seeing the sun rise in Surfers after a massive night out and vowing never to do it again.

9. Seeing the sun rise in Surfers after a massive night out. ‘Cos you weak.

10. Knowing that the further south you travel down the Coast, the more laid back the people are. Hellooooo Rainbow Bay!

11. Not feeling hipster enough to go to The Paddock.

12. Not feeling hipster enough to go to Black Coffee Lyrics.

13. Not feeling hipster enough to go anywhere in Nobbys.

14. Knowing the total versatility of Burleigh Hill—exercising, perving, dog-walking, picnicking, eating ice-cream, going on a first date, going for a walk with your best friend bitching about how your date only took you to Burleigh Hill for your first date—you get it.

15. You at age 18: “OMG SURFERS, YASSSS!”

16. You at age 24: “Surfers? Don’t be ridiculous, that’s social suicide.”

17. Avoiding making eye contact with pub crawl ticket sellers in Surfers at all costs, ‘cos you’re so past that.

18. Being offended when pub crawl ticket sellers stop harassing you, because it means you’re now old.

19. Not being able to find a tattoo parlour ANYWHERE—LOLJK.

20. Getting offended when someone calls you Gold Coast, then realising you’ve just booked a spray tan and your boyfriend’s mate is currently designing his sleeve tatt.

21. Mapping where you are geographically by where the closest Sushi Train is located.

22. Refusing to pay full price to go to the theme parks because you’re a local now, followed by the ‘Who can hook me up with cheap Dreamworld tickets?’ Facebook status.

23. Going to the Currumbin Rockpools, ‘cos…#nature, taking 23 selfies then calling it a day.

24. When afternoon traffic adds like seven minutes to your journey home but it’s totally unacceptable.

25. Acting like Brisbane is on another continent; yet claiming Byron like it’s an extension of the Tweed.

26. Avoiding Surfers like the plague for Schoolies, GC600, New Years Eve, or really any event that attracts tourists. Basically always.

27. Finding alternate ‘secret shortcuts’ and feeling like a boss, then realising everyone already knew (T.E. Peters Drive or Tabilban Street, amiright?).

28. Still not understanding how Ashmore Road is in Bundall and Benowa Road is in Southport.

29. Still not knowing how to pronounce acai.

30. Not having to ask what’s gluten free anymore because pretty much everything is.

31. Becoming totally accustomed to the sight of perfect, picturesque beaches and then it’s like “WTF Gold Coast?!” when it rains.

32. Complaining to your friends, “Seriously, what is there even to do on the Gold Coast when it rains?”

33. Knowing if you get one red light on the stretch of GC highway starting from Broadbeach, you’re getting EVERY red light.

34. Being totally used to paying $9 for a juice.

35. Having literally no idea how many suburbs are on the Gold Coast, or still learning new ones on a regular basis.

36. Being corrected on your pronunciation of quinoa.

37. Scoffing as you then correct someone’s pronunciation of quinoa.

38. Picking up the phone to order pizza at Justin Lane on a Saturday night, only to realise you’ll need to walk the gauntlet of the hipster crowd to collect take out from the back of the restaurant, while wearing your trackies. (Thank god those days are over.)

39. Knowing the glory days of Elsewhere and Melbas.

40. Considering taking up surfing so your cute neighbour will notice/fall in love with you.

41. Realising this will never be possible as your body is not bikini ready after going on a doughnut crawl on the weekend.

42. Your weekday Instagram is dedicated to clean eating and healthy recipes, while your weekend Instagram is dedicated to shots, cocktails, and the messiest candid snaps you can muster.

43. Knowing that, despite how much you and everyone else might trash the GC, you’ll never find anywhere else quite like it.

What things scream So Gold Coast to you, folks? We reckon we can keep this list going….

Image Credit: Wikipedia

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