It’s time to kick it Sex and the City-style ladies. No more Tinder, no more sexting a guy you met on Instagram, and no more Face Tune. It’s time to do real, single lady life, and it’s going to be FAB.
Metropolist are taking you to the best bars on the Gold Coast for being social, being adventurous, and finally allowing you to whip out your flirty banter—we find yo’ mama jokes usually kill it. ALWAYS start with a yo’ mama joke.
Komune is fantastic because it’s located in Coolangatta, and Coolangatta is home to a buffet of ridiculously good-looking surfy guys. Another good thing about Komune is it has a pool, which you won’t be getting in, obviously, because your hair and makeup took an hour and a half. But, it does allow for you to see your new potential husband with his shirt off, thus allowing you to scope out his genetic situation for your eventual children.
Where: 146 Marine Parade, Coolangatta
Nobbys Arc is super social, like you’re guaranteed to meet some nice new people while you’re smooshed against them waiting to get to the bar. But you’re ALSO guaranteed to bump into your sister’s workmate’s cousin’s best friend, who is also recently single. Which you know because you follow them on Insta, followed by that “Heeeeeyyyyyy, it’s been forever!”
Where: Shop 4, 28 Chairlift Avenue, Nobby Beach
Justin Lane Establishment
Justin Lane is the place where you’ll get a little tipsy and work up the courage to announce to the table of guys next to you “HEY, guys, my friend here thinks top knots are better than moustaches that are twisted up at the end, tell her she’s wrong?!?!?” Intensive and in-depth debate ensues. You = genius.
Where: 1708—1710 Gold Coast Highway, Burleigh Heads
Moo Moo Wine Bar
If you’re feeling a wee bit fancy and are confident in your ability to maintain that fanciness after a few cocktails, head to Moo Moo to stumble on either Mr. “Way Out of your League” or Mr. “Old Enough to be your Dad.” The choice, from there, is yours.
Where: 2685 Gold Coast Highway, Broadbeach
Onyx Tapas and Cocktail Bar
Onyx is the perfect place to go after dinner, when you’re already a few wines deep, and make over-confident sexy eyes at some dude across the room whilst sipping a delightfully fruity cocktail.
Where: 8/110 Surf Parade, Broadbeach
At Atrium Bar challenge a guy to some gambling. He wins: drinks for you. You win: you go home with drunken online shopping money and have the satisfaction of beating a male at something he loves. Guys love it when you show them up, trust us.
Where: Jupiters Casino, Broadbeach
Helm Bar and Bistro
Rampage onto Helm Bar‘s dance floor while Livin’ on a Prayer is playing (as if that sight wouldn’t be hot enough). THEN team up with equally excitable male, switching who’s turn it is to “hold the mic” and who’s turn it is to belt out Bon Jovi—because love is all about equality.
Where: 30—34 Ferny Avenue, Surfers Paradise
Rock up to Cocoon in trackies and a stained singlet and you’re guaranteed to grab someone’s attention. The guys might think you’re an animal at the zoo and start taking pictures, but then you can gradually start shedding clothes to reveal your stylish playsuit and take off your nerd glasses and retainer, Princess Diaries style. This plan is slightly long winded and any guy you attract will most likely visit the tanning salon more than you, but it’d be pretty cool.
Where: 58 Cavill Avenue, Surfers Paradise
If you’re done looking hot and swanning around, get to Melbas, grab a Corona and obnoxiously challenge whoever is on the pool tables to a game. You’ll either be met with “Go away you drunk bitch” OR “Yeah, sure cutie pie, maybe I’ll even let you win.” Then always go with guy one ‘cause you love a challenge.
Where: 46 Cavill Avenue, Surfers Paradise
Sally Coates is a self-proclaimed comedian whose talents include convincing people she’s a comedian, making terrific jokes, swearing inappropriately, and talking in third person. Destined for success, Sally’s hobbies include eating bad food, binge watching TV shows, and cuddling cats. Find her on Instagram @saldawgz