Hey there. Are you a zany funster like me? If so, your favourite day of the year is also April 1, aka April Fools’ Day.
I spend the rest of the year thinking up crazy pranks I can pull on my family members, people at work, strangers on public transport, and law enforcement agents. So you don’t have to go to the same amount of trouble, I’ve narrowed my list of roughly 150 gags down to the top five.
You’re welcome to borrow any of these to use yourself on April 1*. Just remember, it has to be before midday, or you’ll turn in to a Gremlin. Or something.
*Metropolist does not recommend you attempt any of these “pranks” and does not take responsibility for any ruination of your life if you do attempt them. In fact, we would like to completely disassociate ourselves from this writer until he seeks help.
1. Is your dad always fretting about money? This little trick will teach him a lesson. Go through your junk emails and find the latest Nigerian scam. Start a dialogue with the scammers, indicating you are more than interested in their proposal. When it comes to the point of sending your bank details, use your dad’s account instead. Make sure you’re around when he checks his balance and finds his life savings have been transferred to Nigeria—the look on his face will be hilarious!
2. Do you hate your boss? Cover his or her chair with peanut paste. Wait… this gets better. When they sit down, release three dozen rats. Your boss will be covered in filthy, disease-ridden rodents within seconds. Maybe next time they won’t reprimand you for being late to work.
3. Set up a mini projector in your housemate’s room. When you know they’re having sexy time (either with someone or by themselves) turn the projector on with a remote control to play a slideshow of erotic images of you on their wall—dressed in a leotard, riding a horse topless, naked and covered in honey etc. This will either freak them out or make them associate all sexual behaviour with you for the rest of their life. If you don’t have housemates, you can perform this same gag on your parents.
4. For this next prank you’ll need two Pizza Hut stickers and a semi-automatic assault rifle. If you’re not sure how to get hold of the gun, DM me, I’ll hook you up with my guy. “Borrow” your housemate’s car when they go to sleep and place two large Pizza Hut stickers on the doors. Get three friends to come along with you, all wearing dark sunglasses and hooded jumpers. Use Google Maps to find all the Domino’s stores in your area and drive past each one playing Vanilla Ice at full blast, spraying them with bullets (just enough to smash all the glass, try not to hit anyone, you hear?). This will at the very least result in the Special Response Unit showing up at your house the next day to take down your housemate, and at best spark a violent gang war between pizza companies. Either way, you win.
5. You know that person at work who has a really obvious crush on you but is too scared to do anything about it? Here’s an amusing way to let them know you’re onto them. Get everyone in the office to gather around and bring them up the front with you. Get your work bestie to play Michael Bolton’s “When a Man Loves a Woman”. Get down on one knee. Propose. He or she will say yes and start crying. Wait till after lunch then call everyone together and announce that it was just an April Fools’ joke and you really don’t find that person attractive at all. They will start crying again and perhaps try to kill you, but offer to buy them a beer and/or sleep with them and they’ll eventually see the funny side.
Photo Credit: Bad Grandpa