Alright, so you’re single and ready to mingle, but you’re also ready to move past the phase of sleeping with anything with a pulse that crosses your path… right?
Right! So it’s time to be a bit selective about who you get freaky with, because you’ve come to realise that doing the deed with certain people tends to have consequences. And sometimes those consequences just aren’t worth the fun of a couple of games of “Mr Wobbly hides his helmet”.
For that reason, we’ve composed a simple guide to help you decide whether it’s worth sexing “that” person. If you’re considering sleeping with any or all of these people, read this first.
Pros: You’ve already seen them at their worst; puffy faced and wearing a manky shirt first thing in the morning, so if you still find them attractive there must be some real chemistry there. Also, super convenient. Easiest walk of shame you’ll ever do.
Cons: This can go one of two ways. It’s either a temporary thing, which means it’s going to be weird when you start seeing other people, or it will develop into a relationship. If it’s the latter, hope you’re ready to instantly go from being single to practically married.
Should ya? Sure, why not?
Pros: Great way to get free coffees without having to carry around those stupid stamp cards all the time.
Cons: When things go pear shaped (and they will, those innocent-looking baristas are complete deviants), you will have to go out of your way to get your caffeine fix at another café. Hardly seems worth the crazy sex.
Should ya? In the end, yes.
Pros: You see this person all the time and therefore the sexual tension has built up to volcanic levels. You know when it explodes, it’s gonna explode good.
Cons: Everyone at work will be able to tell. You think you’re being subtle but they will notice the shift from outrageous flirting to highly awkward, stilted encounters. And everyone hates a work couple.
Should ya? Might as well.
Pros: The sex will probably be decent and it’s a cheaper way of getting a workout.
Cons: They have most likely slept with six other people this week and 180 so far this year. Even if you’re fine with that, be prepared for most of your conversations to be about protein shakes.
Should ya? Yeah, go for it.
Pros: They’re pretty old, so they’ve got to know something about the art of love making, right? Plus, academics are always into role play and S&M, if those things interest you.
Cons: Weird floppy bits.
Should ya? You only YOLO once.
Pros: You know each other intimately already so you should be able to push all the right buttons. Whenever you introduce them you can say, “This is my friend,” and then pause… “with benefits”. It’s surprisingly satisfying and makes everyone else feel icky.
Cons: They’ve told you about all their weird sexual exploits with others in the past, so have fun erasing those from your memory. Also, you’ll never be able to look at them again without picturing their junk.
Should ya? It’s your duty as a friend.
Pros: They’re good-looking, funny, charming, and sexy as hell. And they bang so many of their customers that it won’t be the slightest bit awkward next time you come in.
Cons: Every time you see them you’re drunk, so your impression of their attractiveness is probably not 100 per cent accurate.
Should ya? Well, yeah. Surprised you haven’t already.
Pros: The bus driver is considered an object of sexual desire in many cultures for a reason. They are generally expert love-makers, able to proffer levels of pleasure you have never experienced before.
Cons: It’s very likely you’ll fall in love with them. But their first love will always be bus driving.
Should ya? Yes. A thousand times yes.
Photo Credit: Friends with Benefits