14 Ways Only A Real Queenslander Knows How To Survive A Heatwave

By Jessica Pridmore
9th Feb 2017

Brisbane heatwave

So… the weather forecasts temps of up to 50 degrees this weekend!? WTAF. Ask any Queenslander how they feel about our hot and sweaty summers, and you’ll more often than not hear a resounding, passionate outburst of love. Call us crazy, maybe the heat has turned us all mad, but we wouldn’t change a thing about our humid, tropical paradise (plus, the constant sweat keeps our complexions looking all kinds of just-had-a-facial dewy).

But 50 degrees? Get fucked.

So, in light of this somewhat frightening forecast—won’t someone think of the air con bills!—here are 14 ways to survive a heatwave like only a true Queenslander can. Summer, we love you, but please go away now…

1. Throw back a slab of Milton mangoes and make a shade sail out of the boxes.

2. Make an excuse to visit your parents for the weekend, then proceed to switch on all of their air con units and ‘conveniently’ lose the remote… Adulting has never felt so good.

3. Organise a meet-up with your mates at your local supermarket, and don’t leave until you’re eyed suspiciously by security in the meat aisle.

4. Set up a giant slip n slide in your back garden (using your neighbours hose, natch…).

5. Mango Weiss Bars and strawberry Cornettos become your primary source of fruit and veg intake. #fiveaday.

6. Spend the day riding the City Glider. Hey, it’s cheaper that using your own air-conditioning—maybe.

7. Empty your freezer of useless things like food, and replenish with an impossibly large supply of Zooper Doopers.

8. Ditto for that chest freezer in the garage.

9. Now might be the time to invest in that Valley Pool membership you always speak of but never, ever commit to.

10. Pull a sickie tomorrow and drive to the coast for a long weekend. We tend to mock the ‘coasties’ but who’s having the last laugh now? Damn you and your perfect coastal breezes!

11. Invest in a $20 paddle pool, fill up with ice and beers. Lounge all day thinking what a damn champion you are.

12. Haphazardly apply sunscreen—because, sun safe— then realise the next day you’ve got a killer foot tan. Maroon is the Brisbane colour, after all.

13. Take a dip in our beloved Brown Snake to beat the heat. Pray you come out with all your fingers and toes…

14. Pretend you’re thinking long and hard at the petrol station whether you’d rather a full strength Ice Break, or the one with less sugar. Keep the chiller door open while you make this life altering decision.

Here's 9 more things to do when it's hot af in Brisbane.

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