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Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Allira Sher - 13 Aug 2018

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Welcome back, guys. It’s nice to see that you care enough about your lives to keep coming back. It seems like there’s a lot happening in your lives atm, and as usual, we’ve cooked up some solid, inspirational advice (courtesy of our magical universe powers) that you should definitely take. Here’s what this week has in store for you.  

Aquarius

Shock-horror, Aquarius. You’re in the clear this week (we’re just as surprised as you are). We’ve been grilling you a lot recently about your attitude and meddling in other peoples’ business, and it looks like you’ve finally started to listen. Snaps for you, much happiness coming your way.

Pisces

Time to turn that frown upside down before the wind changes, Pisces. Seriously, you’ve been driving everybody nuts with your bad mood lately, and you’re too stubborn to share what’s actually going on. Our advice? Talking is always best. If something is bothering you, don’t bring the whole house down. Instead, talk about it. You’ll feel better and so will the people around you.

Aries

It’s only human to feel lonely, Aries. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Our crystal ball has shown us that many of your friends have jumped into new relationships, which has left you feeling companionless and a little empty inside. Don’t worry though (and please god, do not drink your sorrows away). The reason why you’re still single is because you haven’t found your person yet (they’re probs screwing someone else right now if we’re being real). But they’ll come. And the wait will be worth it.

Taurus

Damn, bull. Back at it again with the feisty attitude and ongoing frustration. We’re sensing that there’s a lot of pressure you’re putting on yourself to find the right job. That, and you’re clearly very unhappy with the work you’re doing now. Our advice? don’t worry if you haven’t found your dream career yet, or if no one on SEEK is responding to your applications. All good things take time. The right thing will come.

Gemini

Righto, we’re calling an intervention, Gem. It’s time to stop saying no to everything and become a total yes girl (within reason, obviously). Let your hair down, chug some drinks back and dance all night with your friends. Kiss the guy (or girl) you like and watch the sun come up. That’s an order.

Cancer

You really are a busy bot, Cancer. That’s great. It’s good to be busy, but we’ve got to put your priorities back in line. This week, we want you to spend a little time with your significant other. You know, the kind of time that isn’t rushed with early-bird alarms or to watch the god damn football. We sense your partner is getting frustrated, and you’ll cop a whack if you’re not careful.

Leo

If there’s a competition you’re considering entering, Leo, we strongly advise that you do. Whether it be money-related, holiday-related or food-related, we see it going in your favour. Take risks this week and you will be rewarded.

Virgo

Time to take a long, hot bubble bath and cleanse yourself of your sins, Virgo (not that that’s entirely possible, tbh). Drink tea, go for a run, scrub your face and stay the heck away from the alcohol cabinet.

Libra

If you can’t say anything nice, Libra, don’t say anything at all. There are going to be things that bother you this week, and if you don’t watch your tongue, you could dig yourself in a bigger hole than you started with.

Scorpio

Yes, it’s okay to treat yourself to that dress you’ve been looking at in the window for the past month, Scorps. You work hard and you deserve it. Plus, it makes your butt look amazing. Open up your wallet, you deserve it.

Sagittarius

You’ve really got to get off your high horse, Sag. Your know-it-all attitude is getting extremely annoying, and people are beginning to talk about it behind your back (soz, but someone’s gotta tell you and it may as well be us). Relax and let someone else take the reins this week.

Capricorn

Okay, Cap, it’s about time that you learnt ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’ isn’t actually a real thing. Stop making excuses for sh*t people who are ignoring you. If they were interested, they’d be blowing up your phone with no shame at all. Time to find someone who wants to hear about your day and what you ate for lunch. Not someone who wants to know what you’re doing at 4am every couple of weeks.

PSA, Meredith just released it’s 2018 line-up.

Image credit: Sarah Law 

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