Funny

How A Brisbanite Prepares For Winter

By Catherine Blake - 31 May 2016

Queenslanders are RENOWNED for our chronic whinging during June/July with some feeling our ire is not well-founded. Well may you scorn our tropical winters, with our rich blue skies and crisp clear air. Well may you say that we know nothing of ‘real’ winter. We may not know the tribulations of affixing chains to our tyres, of snowstorms, blizzards and sleet, but we know a gusty house.

Comparable to the rest of the world maybe Queensland doesn’t experience the same bitingly cold winters BUT WE SHIVER. Oh, do we shiver. The sudden drop from scorching 30° humidity to 8° sunrise is discombobulating and, quite frankly, a bit rude. It’s a tough time, but we manage and it’s all thanks to our rigorous preparation routine:

  1. Um and err over whether buying an entire cardigan is a worthy investment.
  2. Moan about Brisbane’s scant choice in the way of cardigans.
  3. Settle for some thermal underwear from a specialty ski store, or one of these cosy knits
  4. Book out Spicer’s Lodge for three months and just hunker down.
  5. Investigate the council restrictions of installing a fireplace.
  6. Scavenge for the perfect stick to roast marshmallows.
  7. Mope around the Gold Coast saying goodbye to the beach.
  8. Brush up your on all of Brisbane’s cosiest cafes for winter wallowing. 
  9. Cave into peer pressure and get a lime green puffer jacket from Uniqlo.
  10. Purchase a bulk order of stockings for easy transformation of your ruggers into winterwear.
  11. Put your razor into hibernation.
  12. Drop off your snuggie to the dry cleaners.
  13. Break out the two scarves you own and make sure they still go with everything.
  14. Stock up on the last of the dried mango at your local artisanal deli. 
  15. Check the thermostat on your electric blanket to make sure you won’t get roasted in the night.
  16. Trade in your pluggers for some fleece-lined crocs.
  17. Renew your hot yoga membership
  18. Get to know these winter warmers
  19. Breaking out the blow dryer because the time for leaving your hair to dry naturally has long past.
  20. Buying a family-sized tub of whole-body moisturiser.

 Image credit: Game Of Thrones

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like