As we ease into the second episode of the week (more like cannon ball in sunburnt and drunk off vodka sunrises), the wounds are still fresh from last night’s re-coupling sesh and we’re eager to see just how many fanny flutters are circling the villa tonight.
Here are 29 thoughts we had during last night’s episode of Love Island.
- Erin’s busy orchestrating a rebound orgy for Cassidy who’s three chapters into her tell-all memoir ‘SUCK SH*T, GRANT’.
- Over in the bathroom, Grant’s having a crack at opening Tayla’s Chamber of Secrets with his parseltongue, and all of a sudden I urgently need a cup of tea.
- Josh is meanwhile reeling over the loss of his second crush to the friend zone and is wandering the villa asking stray cats for tips on how to make girls think he’s cute
- Grant is also concerned that Tayla dogged Josh hard, which is a little like the charred commercial water boiler calling the kettle black.
- Tayla admits she’s created a clusterf*ck of a situation, however she feels really content aka she’d do it all again to her best friend for a quick tenner and a Wizz Fizz.
- As darkness falls, Grant sends another mudblood down to The Chamber while Cassidy talks about her favourite Doctor Harry episode with Elias.
- In a shocking plot twist, Grant has the emotional intelligence of a Kmart cotton throw and appears to assume his girlfriend has had a face transplant, hence why he is treating Tayla like a crummy body double.
- Two beds over, Cassidy is looking at them with ‘you’re like gravel to me, Sharon’ eyes.
- In the morning, Erin continues her mission to be a kickass wing[ed eyeliner] woman by trash-talking Tayla and Grant for a solid halfa at the barbecues.
- Millie and Justin are on the mezzanine discussing their favourite RuPaul season 10 drag queens.
- Tayla then tries to have it out with Cassidy in the hallway but she just cannot right now, thankyouverymuch.
- A new text reveals there’s an incoming piece of meat being thrown into the bear pen today, Erin’s quietly hoping it’s the men’s Olympic rowing team for Cassidy’s sake.
- But it’s not, it’s a hot new marketing manager from Melbourne with a bourgeois name (Nicholas Flamel) and a ritzy necklace to match (the Philosopher’s Stone).
- She’s chosen to have a couple of Aperol Spritz in the backyard with Elias who basically has to be bullied into washing his hair for the date.
- Unfortunately, she puts him offside pretty quickly by incorrectly using common turns of phrase and demanding he guess her age and then cracking the shits when he doesn’t underestimate by more than a decade.
- Elias is basically traumatised by the interrogation and can’t remember her name (FYI it’s pronounced ‘fran-swah-z’).
- Meanwhile, Justin has guessed it and is already planning their life together via a crudely construct diorama he made out of Vaseline and cotton buds.
- All of a sudden John-James gets a text telling him he’s going on a date with a random at a trestle table in the backyard.
- It turns out to be with the immortal Francoise who’s tricking yet another man into joining her in the underworld.
- Their four-and-a-half-minute date is over faster than a box of milk choccie Lindt balls in the staff room.
- Franswahz’ arrival at the villa then causes a stir, mostly from Kim who’s enquiring about changing her sexuality and also from Grant who can’t open his eyes without giving a woman a lifetime of repressed anxiety.
- Tash and Josh are over on the love seat swapping stories about being treated like cute animals and not saucy squeezes.
- Elias and John-James then have a heart-to-heart about who’s going to ‘have a crack’ at Franswahz, like she’s a bloody Nintendogs game.
- Franswahz, who’s had half a glass of chardonnay, screams ‘I GOT A TEXT MESSAGE, D*CKHEADS’ and commands everyone to gather around like she’s some immortal sorceress.
- It turns out that tonight’s challenge is a not so subtle nod to gobbies, because apparently, the entire production crew is a class of year nine boys.
- After ruining half a dozen good bananas, the group wins two jugs of vomit, but no one drinks it because it’s not a clear spirit.
- The sound guys lay down So Fresh the Best Hits of Autumn 2007 and the remainder of the episode is a montage of everyone removing their false lashes and getting into bed with people they wouldn’t even share an Uber with in the real world.
Catch all the latest Love Island drama here.
Image credit: 9Now