For years we’ve been told by Science, “There’s no magic cure for a hangover. Only time shall set you free.”
Well Science can suck a raw egg protein shake and a couple of Nurofen tablets, because there’s a new hangover wonder drug on the Australian market that’ll allegedly let us smash Jaeger bombs and still come up smiling. It’s called Rejoove. Because it will Rejoovenate you. Yeah...
Rejoove’s tagline is ‘Seize the day!’, which is probably not what Robin Williams had in mind in the 1989 seminal hit, Dead Poet’s Society. But it makes sense—day seizing is really difficult with your head in the toilet screaming ‘Never again...’
Hangover drugs have been around for a while, and of course everyone has their own home remedies. A couple of Hydralyte tablets before you go to sleep is a good one. Some people swear by double Berocca for breakfast. And then there’s the raw egg smoothies...the less said about those the better.
Rejoove is a bit different. It doesn’t just promise a breezy, pain-free morning—it’s designed to fix the dreaded 3am Wake-Up. You know, when your eyes open in pitch darkness like rusty garage doors, your head’s pounding and you look at the clock...bloody 3am.
Like most over-the-counter drugs, Rejoove makes a big deal about its natural ingredients (“Passionflower...to aid sleep” and “Kudzu...used in traditional herbal medicine”) while breezing over ingredients like Thiamine Nitrate, Cysteine HCL Monohydrate and Nicotinamide. I’m not too sure what those are, and I wasn’t fussed. I’d eat a coaster if it cured hangovers.
I decided to take Rejoove up on their challenge. But I didn’t want to piss about—I decided to mix the worst hangover drinks known to mankind in some demented Bacchanalian orgy. Red wine, champagne, UDL tinnies and something called a Tiki Badger (made from 40% real badger). I drank ‘em all and cursed the Gods.
Sidenote: apart from anything else, mixing eight different types of alcohol makes you feel intellectually bulletproof. I swear I was one tequila slammer away from cracking perpetual motion.
As recommended on the box, I popped two of Rejoove’s ‘Drinking’ tablets before the session, and two ‘Sleep’ tablets when I got home.
The ‘Drinking’ tabs are stacked with vitamins and ingredients that sound like they should be in shampoo (or paint thinner). Also something called milk thistle. I didn’t know if ancient herbalists had ever used Milk Thistle to counter the effects of UDL Vodka & Passionfruit cans, but what the hey.
The ‘Sleep’ pills are designed to knock you out (duh). They also have milk thistle (what is this thing?) along with a bunch of mystical herbs and powders you generally associate with the word ‘apothecary’.
So...Did It Work?
To be fair, there’s probably nothing known to Science that can protect a human being from red wine, champagne, sugary cocktails and a Tiki Badger all in the one night. But Rejoove did take the edge off.
I still woke up at 3am, but I was so completely pizzled on Milk Thistle that I passed out almost immediately. It felt a bit like when you break your collarbone as a kid, and the doc gives you Oxycodone tablets...and it’s all you can do not to rush out and break the other collarbone.
Eventually I woke up at about 8am, bruised, filled with shame, but still standing. Didn’t even vom, and I can vom just by looking at a beer across the street.
I can’t say I was feeling daisy fresh, and seizing the day was definitely not going to happen (it was all I could do to seize my pants). But without Rejoove kicking my liver into gear I would have looked like something you dredge from a river homicide scene.
But don’t take our word for it. Make up your own mind. Seize the day or don’t—that’s really your call. What are we, your parents?
You can find out more about Rejoove on their website.
Image credit: Rejoove