The Ekka has rolled into town again and with it the greatest single decision you will make this year: which show bag to buy? While you’re scrambling for change and deliberating on which chocolate-to-lolly ratio will bring you the greatest amount of joy, take a moment to reflect on the unique insights your show bag of choice can offer.
Here’s what your show bag says about you:
Bertie Beetle Show Bag
You’ve never paid a bill late in your life. You iron your underpants. You’ve eaten the same thing for breakfast since 1995. The fact that Bertie Beetles always taste like they were made around the time of Y2K comforts you immeasurably.
Cherry Ripe Show Bag
If you’re not a mother of three now, you will be in 2-5 years. You buy hand sanitizer in bulk. There’s a 99.8% chance you wore a cardigan to the Ekka.
Milky Way Show Bag
You wear a lot of beige. You only watch PG movies. Mars Bars are too much for you. Don’t even get you started on Snickers. Jennifer Anniston is your favourite actress. The fact that you’ve ventured out of the house and actually made it to the show bag pavilion is a surprise to everyone, including you. Maybe stick to the merry-go-round.
Darrell Lea Rocklea Road Show Bag
Your paternal soul craves the nutty, marshmallowy roughage of the classic DL Rocky Road. You likely complained at length about the cost of getting into the Ekka, and will spend the majority of your time showing off in slideshow alley, holding everyone’s showbags for them, making dad jokes, and challenging P Platers to the dodgems.
Full O Fizz Show Bag
Settle down, you loose goose. Fizzy sherbet is your gateway candy—it only leads to harder sugars. If you don’t limit yourself to one baggie you’ll end up streaking across the woodchop comp.
Jumbo Mega Warheads Show Bag
The thrill of the Zipper barely touches the sides of your adrenalin adoration. Shove three in your gob and get your rocks off on every ride you can until you’ve depleted your life savings. Your night will probably end at the Casino.
Kit Kat Show Bag
You’re a pillar of society; the kind of person who does what they say they will, recycles, and donates regularly to charity. You have the refined pallet of a professional gourmand and will likely split this show bag with someone who freaked under pressure and bought the Furry Friends show bag.
Ovalteenies Show Bag
Pauly Shore is your spirit animal. You own a Round The Twist box set. You watch Rage religiously every Saturday.
World’s Biggest Jumbo Show Bag
Your biceps are over developed and you want everyone to know it.
Zappo Chews Show Bag
You discovered early on in life that everything was better when you were off your face on sugar. You have no idea what actual grapes taste like, but grape flavoured Zappos are by far your favourite. Your experience of the Ekka will alternate between deliriously ecstasy and doing quiet spews behind the Gravitron.
Not heading to the Ekka this public holiday? Here's our guide to what's open this Ekka public holiday in Brisbane!
Image credit: All Cats Are Grey