Well hey there, friend. Looks like you’ve clicked on this article. Happy days. Bet you’re expecting some rip-snorting giggles while you’re here. I’ll try my darndest *smile twinkles*.
Let’s get to know each other. Are you new to Sydney, or just looking for a distraction from your colleague picking food out of their teeth? Either way, this fair city of ours is wrought with things you won’t believe, and things you’ll learn to love. Walk with me through 27 things you really need to learn quick smart. Feeling outraged with the #Sydneylife? Don’t worry, you’ll learn to love it soon.
- Bondi Beach is beautiful, but it’s also a lava pit filled with tourists trying to bag a spare patch of sand. Or trying not to drown.
- Kevin Bacon is not a Hollywood actor. He’s a pig, and we love him.
- Took a banana on the plane? Don’t worry. You probably won’t even get stopped at customs. Some guy called Damo will just wave you through.
- Coffee is as essential as water, but don’t be surprised when your bank account starts to suffer because you just neeeed the fancy kind.
- There’s pretty much a tax on being lactose intolerant or gluten free. Sorry, sensitive stomachs.
- Milkshakes are so 90s. You want one? You’re getting half a bag of Maltesers and a Polly Waffle.
- On that note, burgers are not just burgers. They are towering piles of meat, cheese, and whatever the hell else the kitchen felt like throwing on that day.
- It is usually cheaper to BYO avocado to cafes if you want it with your breakfast.
- You will probably never own property. Like, ever.
- But renting will bring out a side of you that you never knew existed. A side that will see you side swipe a nice old lady’s car and flip her the bird while you sprint between inspections on a Saturday morning.
- You will never, and I repeat never, get a handle on Sydney weather.
- Late night shopping means 8pm. And only once a week.
- You’re not reeeallyy allowed to do anything. Especially if you feel like a bottle of wine past 10pm or you’re partial to a cheeky ciggie with your beer.
- Kings Cross is for rich people that can afford property and others that simply refuse to give up on good times.
- People dress according to their suburbs. You will too.
- There’s no such thing as smiling to your neighbour as you pass them in the street.
- Because suburban life does not exist.
- Don’t bother trying to use a GPS when in the CBD. Seriously.
- Actually, don’t even attempt trying to navigate there. Just throw caution to the wind.
- But watch out for Seagulls.
- The Harbour Bridge will become a chore, if not a measure of your ability to drive around and not get lost.
- If Stereosonic tickets are sold out and you’re desperate, hit up your nearest gym.
- Public transport has some serious catching up to do. Y’know, compared to the rest of the world.
- Things that shouldn’t go together are normal here. Like fried chicken served in sneaker boxes or bowls of cereal where people have taken the cereal out and left you with flavoured milk *shrugs*.
- Huntsman spiders can and will move into your house and not pay rent, then claim squatters rights after having ten million babies and letting them run reckless.
- Staring is encouraged in Newtown. No, seriously.
- It’s every bit as great as you think it will be. If not more.
Now let's have a chat about things you'll miss when you leave Australia.
Image credit: Federica Portentoso