29 Things You’ll Know If You’ve Ever Taken Public Transport In Sydney

By Anna May - 07 Apr 2017

things you'll know taking public transport

Let’s be honest, no one actually likes getting public transport. The smell of metal on boiling hot days, your bum cheeks sticking to a leather seat, a person taking their pet rat on an excursion… The list goes on.

Luckily, at least we can say we’re all in this together. So let us unite in the shit storm that is NSW public transport, and potentially have a giggle at the following things.

  1. There’s always one guy with the surfboard that doesn’t understand why he’s pissing everyone off, dude.
  2. There’s always a moment of panic when you feel like you should offer someone your seat, but you don’t know if they’re actually pregnant or above the appropriate age.
  3. Timing is everything. If you get on that 333 before 8am, you’re golden. Any time after, you’re watching four full ones go past.
  4. In the same vein, you need to wake up at 5am if you’re planning on getting the L90 from the city. Also, pack plenty of snacks.
  5. You’ve internally shaken your fist when the bus drivers change over halfway through a trip.
  6. It’s normal to live in fear of the Opal card inspectors.
  7. It’s a statistical certainty that at one point in your life, your Opal card will be too low on balance, you’ll be running 20 minutes late, and there won’t be a top-up shop nearby.
  8. So you’ll swear to set up automatic top up.
  9. But then you never will, because your bank balance is far too unpredictable.
  10. There is always a guy that is listening to techno music, with the volume up way too loud.
  11. Someone will bring on a coffee, swear to the bus driver that they would never spill it, and then spill it everywhere.
  12. Christmas means tinsel strewn everywhere, reindeer noses adorning the front of the bus, and bus drivers being slightly more friendly. Shout out to the 470 Christmas mobile.
  13. There’s always an inconsiderate lump of flesh that doesn’t get their Opal card out in time to go through the barriers and holds everyone up.
  14. On the other hand, you’ve come to accept that saying hello to your bus driver is usually met with a blank response.
  15. You still get sad when you think that you could be reading Mx, and not scrolling through your Facebook for the 10th time in five minutes.
  16. Since Kindles became a thing, many people will take to reading some casual erotica in public. But no matter how small they have the text, you can always pick when someone is reading about a swollen love wand.
  17. If someone is laughing out loud to, there’s an 87% chance they’re listening to My Dad Wrote A Porno.
  18. Jumping the barriers, or shadowing someone, isn’t as easy as it used to be.
  19. People that put their belongings on the empty seat next to them and don’t move when you come past are earth-dwelling devils that should be destroyed.
  20. The same goes for bus drivers that literally close the door in your face and drive off, without a single care in the world.
  21. If it’s over 30 degrees, you just know you’re getting an old, rickety bus without air conditioning. It will smell of sour metal, and you will leave sweaty bum cheek marks on the leather seats.
  22. The bus driver knows you are standing in that unstable middle bit, and absolutely will turn a sharp corner when you aren’t holding on.
  23. You will run for the train, miss it, and then pretend you weren’t running for it.
  24. There is nothing worse than falling asleep and missing your stop. Nothing.
  25. You feel SO superior when a tourist asks you for directions and you actually know what to tell them.
  26. “Avoid eye contact” is pretty much the golden rule when it comes to those people.
  27. You’ll spend approximately four minutes trying to turn the volume up on your Harry Potter audiobook before realising your earphones aren’t plugged in.
  28. Nothing is worse than accidentally catching the bus full of over-excited school kids.
  29. People who haven’t brushed their teeth and had Vegemite toast with coffee for breakfast will always end up breathing on you.

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Image credit: Columbia Pictures

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