Funny

24 Things That Are So Newtown It Hurts

By Ally Parker - 18 Jul 2016

Ahhh, Newtown. A mecca for alternative culture where graffiti steers you better than street signs and Brewtown Newtown reigns supreme. We wouldn’t trade you for the world. While we’re crushing hard, here are 24 things so Newtown it hurts.

  1. Over-indulging at Mary’s on a Friday, Saturday… or hell, Tuesday #igotfatatmarys
  2. Chortling at the suggestion you walk from one end of King Street to the other (or get there in any sort of speed by car).
  3. Thanking your lucky stars Dendy Cinemas has not yet succumbed when so many other greats have fallen.
  4. Knowing the idiosyncrasies of your antique terrace house like the back of your hand—if you turn the left tap 4mm, balance on one foot and say three Hail Marys, the hot water will probably come on.
  5. Bracing yourself for a tsunami of fresh-faced youngsters come Saturday night (curse you, lockout laws).
  6. Umming and ahhing between places like Luyu & Yum Yum, Lentil As Anything and Miss Peaches for dinner and drinks—they’re all so good.
  7. Chit-chatting with punters at The Carlisle Castle Hotel for a lesson on the Newtown of yore.
  8. Being so used to rainbow-coloured locks you hardly notice anymore. The same for piercings (we’ve seen some things, man) and beards long enough to work as a Lady Godiva-style cover ups.
  9. Giving a nod of respect to the Martin Luther King mural each time you stroll by.
  10. Trying to get to the mouth-wateringly good food trucks through the insurmountable swarm of out-of-towners come Newtown Festival.
  11. Using graffiti art as a landmark should you get back on the right path. Who needs street signs?
  12. Attempting to bar-hop, becoming overwhelmed by choice and accepting your fate as part of the furniture at Corridor.
  13. Donning your most impressive IDGAF getup and hitting the Newtown Social Club to support the latest up-and-coming Aussie act.
  14. Taking the plunge and going on a blind date with a paper-wrapped tome at Elizabeth’s Bookshop.
  15. Understanding that brewnuts from Brewtown Newtown are an essential part of your diet.
  16. Being known as a ‘suburb of character’ but not really understanding what that means ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  17. Holding a soft spot for peace activist Danny Lim (and rallying in his support following “offensive behaviour”).
  18. Dogs. Dogs everywhere.
  19. Falling hard for the Newtown fireys (and their signs).
  20. Genuinely mourning when Mag Nation bit the dust (soz for all the browsing).
  21. Heading to D’Munchies around 4:20pm (or any other time, they have a DIY ice cream station after all).
  22. Swelling with pride while walking past Young Henry’s.
  23. Hearing all about Coldplay’s A Sky Full of Stars but not enough about Sticky Fingers' Australia Street.
  24. Knowing that whenever you need a pick me up or chat with a mate, you can find them out back at The Courty (AKA Courthouse Hotel).

From Surry Hills? These things are so Surry Hills it hurts.


Image credit: Dharug Dalang on Flickr

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