Funny

20 Thoughts You’re Having If You’re Doing Dry July

By Sophia McMeekin - 18 Jul 2017

dry july

Chances are, if you’re three weeks deep into Dry July you’re currently mentally oscillating between feelings of righteous smugness and utter self-loathing.

  1. I feel amazing. I am a superior being with an iron will and well defined mid section. Have replaced socialising with exercising. 
  2. 15 days to go. Easy. You just have to stay sober through that 30th, that 60th, that wedding at a winery, dinner with your grandparents and every Friday and Saturday night. And Mondays. 
  3. June-me, you fucking bastard.
  4. Replacing alcohol with pizza is a healthy alternative, right? Yep, thought so, thank youuuu. 
  5. The house is spotless, car has been detailed, insides of cabinets are clean enough to eat off, and I’ve probably been to Bunnings.
  6. Coffee consumption has tripled.
  7. Have only just noticed that Thursday is the actual start of the weekend.
  8. Was I drunk when I agreed to do this?
  9. Does Dry July still apply if you cross state lines?
  10. Does Dry July still apply if you cross your fingers behind your back?
  11. If you drink a glass of wine in the pantry with the lights off does it count?
  12. If you think about drinking a glass of wine in the pantry with the lights off do you (maybe) have a drinking problem?
  13. Is wine the only reason I go to the movies?
  14. Is wine the only reason I like my friends?
  15. Is wine the only reason I was watching 13 Reasons Why?
  16. WHY IS LITERALLY EVERYONE IN MY INSTAFEED IN EUROPE HOLDING AN APEROL SPRITZ RN?!
  17. Closest thing this can be likened to is the doldrums experienced by sailors.
  18. Has the weekend always been this long?
  19. Interminable nothing. 
  20. There is no respite. Just go to bed early. 

This is what happened the last time we gave up wine. 

​Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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