Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people - who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.
You’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic lately and pining after things you can’t have. Scrap those negative vibes and turn your efforts to something a little bit more productive. Instead of dwelling on the past, channel that energy into committing to a new, exciting task. Maybe finally clean out your room? After all, how many half-burnt scented candles does one really need?
Where you need to go this week: These markets might help you make your room on fleek.
Aries, you’ve finally turned a corner. Now that you’ve finished all ten seasons of ‘Friends’ for the seventeenth time, it’s time to turn a new leaf. I mean, that determination for binge-watching Netflix is great, but let’s take it one step further. Now’s the time to ditch the laziness and work off those macarons. Maybe find a podcast to start jogging to, rather than couch potatoing to 'Makign A Murderer' off-shoots...
Where you need to go this week: Here's some activewear to get you inspired.
Oh Taurus, we’re sorry to tell you but the cold chill ain’t over yet. In fact, you might catch the flu any day now. Maybe it’s best to go into hibernation and wait this one out. Grab yo’ snacks, grab yo’ wine, and heat up that electric blanket.
Have you been fighting those sugary cravings? Stop and smell the pastries because it’s your time to indulge. You’ve been working hard this week—whether it be with your studies or career—so go nuts. Have those 12 cronuts. You deserve it.
Where you need to go this week: Check out this place for your sugar hit.
Good news for you, Gemini! Those dating apps are finally delivering the goods, and you’re raking in the matches. Just don’t let it get to your head. Maybe slow down on adding them all via Snapchat, and pick the top tier for IRL meet-ups.
Where you need to go this week: Sunspray 24/7 will you get you ready for your dates, no matter how many you're trying to cram in.
Cancer, it’s time to let your guard down. We know you love putting up those walls and using your phone as a façade for your social awkwardness, but now it’s time for your shyness to diminish. Head to a bar this weekend, go get white girl wasted and boost that confidence.
Where you need to go this week: Here's the perfect place to indulge in some vino.
Venus is shacking up in your career house, which means your finances are shifting. And it’s in a good way! Spend that bonus on a vintage gem from the Brunswick ‘burbs. You’ll up your fashion cred significantly.
Where you need to go this week: Here are some shopping ideas for y'all. We can't wait to see your new #ootd.
Things are finally picking up. People are starting to take notice of what you’ve been saying, rather than brushing your hardcore (and sometimes awkward) truths under the proverbial carpet. So go on, tell your mates ‘I told you so.’ Because, well, you did. And have yourself a cocktail to celebrate this path to justice.
Where you need to go this week: Celebrate your victory here.
Been lacking the romance lately? Maybe stop going out on the prowl, Scorpio, and instead try to go with the flow. We know you love having things in order and planning errythang to the T, but take a chiller. Nobody digs the OCD.
Where you need to go this week: Channel your zen here.
Sagittarius, we know you love to give. But are you sure people aren’t just taking advantage of your coffee shouts? Don’t stop being generous, but make sure they aren’t simply using you for free Messina.
Where you need to go this week: Take a chiller at this scenic spot.
Did that Tinder date go a bit below par? Don’t let it get you down. You know what they say, there’s still plenty of matches to swipe. Don’t let this affect your confidence: Instead, go for a boogy with your mates and remind yourself that there's more to life than pouring yourself into relationship goals.
Where you need to go this week: Here's your ultimate winter drinks list to inspire you.
Aquarius, you are peaking this month! Work’s going swell, friends are on fleek, what more can you ask for? Make the most of these good vibes. Since everything is going so right for you, do something risqué and watch it pay off.
Where you need to go this week: Get freaky with these vegan freakshakes.
Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.
Compiled by Mona Chatskin. Image Credit: Twyla Skeggs @Twylamae