Ah, coffee. What would we do without you? Stumble around in life without ever tasting something so delicious for a start. Let’s be honest, though: we either are, or know, a certain someone who has said each of these things at least once. You know, that certain someone, who you’ve had to duck into a meeting room to avoid going for coffee runs with. Or, the regular at your local coffee spot who spends their entire morning chatting about the blend with the barista in an obnoxiously loud manner—we get it, you know your coffee.
Because we love coffee (and have definitely said at least all of these things), we’ve teamed up with the Dare Coffee Co. to bring you this (probably too real) list of things every coffee snob has said at least once. Why? Because they’ve got a brand new Dare Cold Pressed Coffee, and it’s seriously fancy, so why not give it a try and avoid these guys at the coffee shop? We’re sold.
#1 Oh, we broke up when I found out he didn’t drink coffee.
#2 What’s your single origin?
#3 *screws up face* that grind ain’t right.
#4 It’s not EXPRESSO it’s espresso.
#5 Decaf? Are you sure…?
#6 What altitude were these beans grown at?
#7 Look, it’s not Melbourne but it’s drinkable.
#8 Can I get a piccolo with an extra shot in a large cup filled all the way to the top?
#9 My Keep Cup means more to me than my family.
#10 We stopped speaking after I heard her order a strawberry-matcha triple cream unicorn sprinkle latte. Ugh.
#11 Sorry I’m late, I had to grab my coffee from [insert obscure, independent coffee spot 20 minutes out of the way].
#12 You seriously drink coffee there? Their water filtration is seriously lacking.
#13 How is this coffee processed? Naturally?
#14 Yeah, look, I only use baristas who have actually been to the point of origin.
#15 I mean, finding good coffee is a valid reason for tardiness.
#16 Honestly, for Brisbane, the coffee wasn’t that bad.
#17 I knew he was cheating because I found a coffee pod in the bin. I would NEVER use a coffee pod.
#18 What beans have we got today?
#19 Hey, want to check out this latte exhibition with me?
#20 Time for another coffee, then.
Guilty? Thought so. Drown those snob-realisation-sorrows with Dare Coffee Co.’s new Dare Cold Pressed Coffee. You can thank us later.