Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people - who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.
Mercury is reactivating an old eclipse point this week, so that indicates some shake-ups and drama in the lurve department. Hold tight, Pisces – and remember to keep your cool. Use that amazing patience of yours and make the best of a bad situation. We suggest grabbing yourself some of that much needed booze and sitting this one out.
Where you need to go this week: Try some of these hot spots for the ultimate cheer up.
That headstrong attitude isn’t helping your case, Aries. You have to ease up a little with that stubbornness – not everyone is going to like your profile picture, so stop ‘updating’ it to the exact same photo every week. Instead, go explore the city for some new snaps.
Where you need to go this week: This food truck classic will be sure to provide you with some happy snaps!
Oh Taurus, we’re sad to say we don’t have good news for you this week. Neptune is nestling into conjunction with the moon, which means a lot of drama in your social life. If you want to hang onto your pals this week, best to give them a bit of a break and not be too clingy. No one needs to see your 17th dog filter selfie on Snapchat.
Where you need to go this week: Stay in and watch some of these flicks.
Well, well, well Leo. It’s about time someone put themselves out there – congrats (if only it hadn’t taken you this long)! As July is drawing to a close, we’re sensing good things for you under those aligned stars. So now’s your chance to take some of those long awaited risks!
Where you need to go this week: Put your best self forward with these hot tips.
Mercury is out of bounds this week, which means now’s your chance to act outside of your normal sphere! Avoid high stress activities, and instead focus on doing things to chill you out so the winter blues don’t get the better of you. Make the most of thinking outside the box. Maybe use Boomerang on your next Insta instead of the standard #nofilter?
Where you need to go this week: We’re sure you’ll be able to find something ‘grammable at this drool-worthy place.
After last week’s hectic antics in your love life, the excitement for this week is going back to a regular level. BUUUT that doesn’t mean things aren’t going well, so don’t be a stress head about it. Your emotional wellbeing is at a pretty good level, so channel some of that extra energy into achieving your career goals. Go on, buy that unnecessary purchase, you can wear it with your next promotion!
Where you need to go this week: Look your best and channel that summer glow. And who cares if it’s fake? With these chic places nobody has to know.
Hold tight, Virgo. There’s only a little longer left to suffer. The month is finishing up and so is your seemingly endless bad luck! Since you’ve had quite a lot of obstacles to face in these recent weeks, kick back and relax with some vino. Good things are coming your way, so keep hunting those Pokémon and maybe you’ll meet the rarest of them all.
Where you need to go this week: Read this to stay motivated for the road ahead.
Libra, get prepared for a bit of shock to your system this week – things aren’t going quite as you hoped, and you need to understand that you can’t control every. Single. Thing. Ease up a little and dedicate some much needed time to helping your wellbeing. How about trying that juice cleanse you’ve been wanting to do? And while you’re at it, maybe work off those Doughnut Time treats.
Where you need to go this week: You’ll make the most of your detox at this cracking new place!
Scorpios, we know you have a bit deeper an understanding of life than the rest of your mates – and this helps you become the patient soul that you are. It’s also why people think you’re such a loyal friend. But don’t let yourself be stepped on – remember to let your voice be heard. If you don’t want to go to that crappy bar your friends keep insisting on, take a stand and suggest something better.
Where you need to go this week: Here’s some suggestions to help you find the ultimate place for your weekend plans.
You’ve been feeling a bit under the weather lately, and we’re here to help. Don’t feel discouraged that things aren’t working out your way, there’s big change coming soon! Update that Tinder profile with some bangin’ selfies, we think your Tinderella is right around the corner.
Where you need to go this week: This new place makes for the ultimate first date venue, or for a boozy bonanza with your mates.
We know you like being the boss, Capricorn. And we know you use the same harsh attitude on yourself with regards to your career. But you need to stop before you become overworked! Take a chiller and go buy yourself that blue latte you’ve been craving. It doesn’t matter that you’ll have to wait over an hour to get it, at least you won’t be in work mode. Right?!
Where you need to go this week: You’ll fill all your rainbow latte needs here.
Good news, it seems to be your week. That means you can’t slack off and tweet from your bedroom anymore. So ditch that electric blanket, and make your way out onto the city streets. You never know what could happen while you’re hunting for the best single drip coffee in Melbourne. Maybe you can even scout a vintage gem in Brunswick?
Where you need to go this week: Look your best for your ripper week thanks to these guys.
Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.
Image Credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist