Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people - who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.
The recent solstice saw you kick into full party mode, Pisces, and why the hell not? Instead of sulking away the Winter months under a mountain of thermals, gather the rest of the cold weather party people and make like it's your last week on earth. These long nights won't last forever, you know...
Where you need to go this week: These cracking picks have fuel for your dancing feet.
You started the week with a bang, but it's time to drop that sixth catch-up with mates in favour of some quality time on the couch with a mug of tea and a packet of Tim Tams. Rest up before next month takes you on a social whirlwind into new circles.
Where you need to go this week: Home. Go home, Aries.
Last weekend's blow-out is still stinging your pockets, so this week is all about finding new ways to enjoy yourself that don't involve three-figure cocktail bills and yoga classes that break the bank. Open your eyes to the cheaper delicacies in life, like banh-mi, $1 oysters and a morning run in your local park.
Where you need to go this week: These five cracking finds will get your budgeting started!
Leo we know you’re a keen bean, but you need to settle, petal. You know you can’t control EVERYTHING, right? It’s time to go with the flow. So let your hair down, stop overdoing those Instagram filters, and strelaxing. It’s time to unwind.
Where you need to go this week: This this place to calm you down and let out that inner zen.
We know what you’ve been up to Gemini. And no, it is NOT okay to eat an entire tub of Messina by yourself. In saying that, we can sympathise. Maybe use it to get motivated to try some a new fitness routines. Your booty will thank you for it – we promise.
Where you need to go this week: Check out these fitness classes for some inspo.
There’s good vibes coming your way, Cancer. We know it’s taken just that little bit too long, but as winter peaks, it’s your time to shine. Werk it, social butterfly. ‘Dat spotlight is on you. Try to get your groove on this weekend to keep those spirits soaring.
Where you need to go this week: Here’s a cocktail guide to assist you on your journey.
We hear someone is finally getting some action in the luuuurve department. About time, Virgo. We were getting worried for a while there. But don’t get too comfortable, remember to keep putting in effort and things you’ll stay in a honeymoon bliss.
Where you need to go this week: Here’s some date inspo to keep you on that winning streak. You're welcome.
Oh dear, Libra. The stars are not aligned this week. Brace yourself…because this is going to be an upwards battle for a while. We recommend going into hibernation. Hey, at least it'll give you a chance to finish binge-watching the fourth season of Orange Is the New Black!
Where you need to go this week: Grab these babies take-away and get cosy on the couch.
Scorpio, now is the time to just keep swimming. We know you’re in a bit of a rut, but push on. Things won’t get better on their own. And you never know, some big career changes might be just around the corner. So buckle up.
Where you need to go this week: Go on and treat yoself at this beauty mecca.
We’ve got good news for you; it seems you’re the flavour of the week. Your generosity has finally paid off and good things are coming your way as a reward! Pop open that bottle of rosé you’ve been eyeing. Now’s the time to claim your prize.
Where you need to go this week: Check out this snazzy venue for what we promise will be a ripper time.
Things have been steadily getting a bit crappy for you, Capricorn. And if you want to have a mooch about it, we understand. Take some time out and spend time with those who keep the good vibez coming – it’s the quickest way for things to pick up.
Where you need to go this week: This place will provide you with the ultimate comfort food!
Aquarius, you are ALL OVER your personal admin this week, ploughing through tax return prep and making healthcare deals like there's no tomorrow. Sure, your friends might think your penchant for electricity price comparison is a liiiiittle weird, but you'll be laughing when their winter bills come in at a couple of hundred bucks more than yours. Ker-ching.
Where you need to go this week: Need a snack while you tally up those wins? DIY this mug-based treat.
Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.
Compiled by Mona Chatskin and Clare Acheson. Image Credit: Twyla Skeggs @Twylamae