Some dudes won't settle for quinoa and cranberries; they need proper food for their man tanks. After all, they've got trees to chop down, women to woo, a man-cave to refurbish, fires to light, finance to know about. So where does a man get a 'manly' feed in this city of ours? From juicy burgers, to hot dogs, meat pies and kebabs, we've got the blokes covered with our pick of Melbourne's best dude food destinations (but you're gonna have to push a sister out of the way first).
Whether it's a massive wiener, an average Joe, or a little pecker, you won't be disappointed by the sausage on offer at Massive Wieners. Top it off with a tasty milkshake and some of the best fries on the Southside.
Head here for "haute dogs" – hand made, low fat and gluten free sausages with fancy pants ingredients. Whether you're an Australia Fare, a Vegetarian or a Spicy Spanish Chorizo kinda guy, you'll be sat-is-fied. Plus, they do onion rings and chilli cheese fries – and if that ain't dude food, I don't know what is.
THE CURRYWURST COMPANY
Sausage drizzled with curry sauce and served with sliced bread. Drool. As well as the wurst, you can get a spicy chorizo roll, a cheese kransky with potato salad and gherkin relish, or even an original Bratwurst sausage. Hit up brothers Max and Alex Buchmann and business partner Caitlyn Maney at one of your local markets this weekend.
Image Credit: Snag Stand Facebook
FRIED CHICKY & WINGS
There's an appropriate list of places to 'wing' it, right here.
For a fancy souva, try a lamb, mustard, aioli, chips and onion kebab from Jimmy Grants. Pair it with a beer and chips sprinkled with feta – ummm, yum!
Here you'll find one of the best kebabs in Melbourne, period. Whatever you thought the perfect kebab was, you will find it topped here.
Fitzroy Kebabs | 89 Smith Street in Collingwood
Though some people have a serious issue with eating kebabs sober, they shouldn't. Lambs are heavy on the meat, heavy on the sauce, and you won't need to eat for three days afterwards.
Lambs | 100 Lygon Street in Carlton
Lambs | 394 Chapel Street in Prahran
Lambs | 305 High Street in Northcote
Image Credit: Jimmy Grants Facebook
Nlo list of Melbourne's best dude food would be complete without an epic list of burgers. We've got one, right here. Enjoy.
Though it's hard to get a table here, their flaky handmade pies full of braised beef and gravy will have you frothing. Pass the chocolate milk, good sir.
Babka | 358 Brunswick Street in Fitzroy
An apple pie milkshake and a classic meat pie. Polish it off with some of their soft serve ice cream and you're in man food Heaven.
COOPER AND MILLA'S
If you can walk past the brownies or flourless orange cake without your belt popping, get a pie. Handmade, melt in your mouth and a perfect lunch-time treat.
PO' BOY QUARTER
Deep fried shrimp covered in gris gris sauce in a white crusty roll. Plus beer. What the hell are you waiting for?
JENNY'S HOT BREAD
Four dollars for a slow-cooked chicken and salad foot-long covered in satay sauce. Boom.
Jenny's Hot Bread | 535 Riversdale Road in Camberwell
PATS THE PHILLY WAY
A Cheesesteak is a long roll filled with shredded steak, doused in melty melty cheese and accompanied with mushrooms and onions. You can get it at PATS. I'm thinking of starting a self-help group for those addicted, because when I couldn't get my philly fix on a countryside visit, I tried to cover a cow in cheese and eat it.
Image Credit: Dude Food Man Facebook
Although these guys are famed for their cakes and good coffee, their reuben sandwich will have any man champing at the bit.
With a name like that, how could we not put it on a dude food list? Ribs, BBQ beans, brisket and beers. Get in me. You can also get takeaway to eat in your man-den.
DUDE FOOD MAN
A food truck that understands what it feels like to be a man. Burgers and pork sliders are on the menu, and happiness is the sweet sweet aftertaste.
TWO DUDES KITCHEN
Triple Pig Roll – PORK BELLY, BACON AND HAM. Holy shitballs. Great coffee and cute staff, too. These guys really know their dude food.
Shawcross does this thing where you can get a pizza of your choice, a plate of nachos and a soft drink delivered to your door for twenty bucks. Time for some Geordie Shore and binge eating.
Main Image Credit: Craftfoxes